A Wanderer at Rest

Starting with a poem, because it sums up my heart better than any other writing I will do. 

We are all wanderers, filled with joy and great peace

Our Rest, carried with us, rooted in our souls, great and deep. 

The place where live made of wood, brick, and stone

Is just merely, that, it's our temporary home. 

As we wander our way through the chaos of life,

For the lists of "To-do's," my God will suffice!

My Rest is always with me, whether at home or on the move

Giving peace and joy to my weary soul, that my life might bring glory to You.

7/15/12

This summer, the Lord has been teaching me a lot about finding rest in the craziness of life. My soul has been restless and tired this summer, feeling out of place in this phase of transitions, and longing to feel at peace in the midst of traveling and busyness. On multiple occasions, I have looked at our calendar for the summer and felt like I'm drowning, overwhelmed by the places to go and things to do, followed by a long year at school. 

A divine appointment occurred on Sunday though, when I was talking with a good friend at church. We were both discussing our busy summers, and she mentioned how she just doesn't handle the busyness very well. She gets tired, emotional, overwhelmed, and stressed. My heart echoed her thoughts and feelings, as this is how I have felt for much of the past month. As our conversation pointed back to Christ and the Gospel, she said, "I just have to remember that my peace and rest goes with me." That simple sentence has stuck with me all week as I've pondered our omnipresent God. He is always present, wherever we go, not only His presence but His gifts to us- joy, peace, rest (among others). We can be restFULL wanderers, instead of restless people. 

And really, we as Christians are all wanderers. This earth is only our temporary home, and we are called to lay down our lives and pick up our cross, surrendering our earthly comforts for the eternal riches. This means that I do not have to be in our apartment for my soul to be at peace. This means that when Spencer and I have a hundred miles to travel and 6 people to see in a matter of days, I can be at peace and joyful, because the Lord's hand is on me. All of the tasks that I feel need to be completed are at the mercy of the Lord, and if they don't get done, then it was not on HIS agenda, and it will be okay. 

Such simple lessons that have a huge impact on our lives, marriage, and relationships. 

Praise be to God for His patience in teaching me these lessons over and over again!

I'm a Mrs. now!

I'm a Mrs. now! Done with wedding planning, getting settled into life, and back to blogging! My heart has been overflowing with thoughts and I can tell I am way over-due to get back to writing. I'm trying to decide if I should start a new blog or stick with this one.......thoughts?

Chloe

We had to put our 7-year old dog to sleep last week. Chloe played quite an important part in my life. 

In 6th grade, I made a powerpoint presentation for my parents explaining why we should get a dog. My main reason? I was lonely. I had prayed and prayed and prayed for us to adopt, and it wasn't happening. My heart was bursting with this maternal love that longed to take care of a child. Since it was apparent that adoption was not in our future, I figured at least a dog would be able to keep me company. So I started praying for a dog! I distinctly remember singing "Your Grace is Enough" at a chapel service that week, and crying as I surrendered my loneliness and hurting heart to the Lord. Without adopting, without a dog, without lots of friends, His grace would be enough. The Lord was graciously allowing my young heart to grasp the beauty of the Lord and the completeness that He gives us. Nothing in this world, no relationship, no object, no experience will compare to the surpassing greatness of knowing Jesus. However, after hearing my heart and watching the powerpoint that I'd put together, my parents finally decided that we could get a dog. 

Just like my mom predicted, she ended up taking care of Chloe even before I'd left home. Just as I had feared, Chloe did not fill the gap in my heart to care for the orphan. She was just a 95 pound Golden Retriever who wanted to eat, sleep, and play. But the Lord taught me huge things through this sweet dog who never did learn to fetch. First, my parents showed me selfless love. My mom did not want a dog at all, but they knew that this was a huge thing for me, and so they put aside their hesitations and agreed to live with a dog for the next 7 years- for me! Though this is a small sacrifice in comparison to many in this life, it was one that impacted my young heart. Secondly, I learned that even when dreams are fulfilled, we must pursue Jesus still. Fulfillment and contentment does not come from things of this world. 

So, as we say goodbye to Chloe, I remember the Lord's faithfulness portrayed to me through one of His creatures. 

Next week

At this time next week I will be waking up next to my husband, the love of my life. It all seems so surreal to think that I will be a married woman, a wife- the ultimate calling that the Lord placed on the hearts of every girl from the beginning of time. The Lord looked on the union of Adam and Eve and said it was very good. Though tainted by sin and twisted by a broken culture, marriage remains as one of the facets of life and faith. It remains as one of the greatest reflections of God's glory- of His goodness to His people and of His unfailing love to the Bride, His Church. I could nearly weep just thinking about this magnificent, sobering, wondrous picture. When we let another human being into the nastiest parts of our souls and they still love us- that is what Christ did for us. I am so honored and thankful that the Lord has called me to carry out this great task of reflecting His glory in my marriage to a broken world that has all but given up on true love and the power of "I do."
As I ponder what married life will look like for me, the thing I am most struck by (at this moment, at least!) is the fact that in a week, I will still be Molly and he will still be Spencer. I will still be an early-bird, healthy eater, and a bad communicator. Spencer will still be a night owl, a tireless worker, and a jokester. Yet- something will be different. We will be living life as a couple. We've been trying to merge our lives for the past year, but there's so many loose ends that can only be met once marriage is fulfilled.
The Lord brought us together as 2 sinful, broken, yet willing individuals- and He has called it very good. I look forward with much anticipation to see what He will bring out of our marriage as we bring our mutual love, passions, hopes, and dreams together.
Next week is the day I've dreamed for since I was a little girl- and by His grace the Gospel will be shared and His glory will be known. Amen and amen.

Conflicted

My brother, Caleb, is in Guatemala RIGHT NOW at Eagle's Nest. And it is pretty much driving me crazy that I'm not there with him. Memories flooded back on Sunday when the mission team left, and it was as if I'd just been there yesterday. I'm in super hard classes this semester, 3 of them in Spanish! That means hearing and speaking Spanish 5 days a week, which is wonderful for my fluency. But really? My heart is aching to serve- be a mom to an adopted child, work at an adoption agency, encourage adoptive families, host conferences, write a book, lead mission trips- ANYTHING to help the orphan. Anything to follow James 1, to serve the orphan in their distress. Yet I'm here toiling away at the 2nd letter that Hernan Cortes wrote to Carlos V in 1520. An amazing piece of history, but my heart is so not there.

I wrote in my journal on the first day of class, "Father I rest. I rest in Your plans that are faithful and sure. I give this semester to You, for Your glory. Break me and teach me. I refuse to let the Enemy fill my heart with lies of discouragement. But instead I begin this semester with confidence, knowing that You have called me here as a Spanish student. And though it breaks me even more, I want to try to learn. Not to save Claudia, not to save the orphans, and not to prove to myself that I have a purpose, but because You called me to it."

So I sit here in my room with a textbook in one hand and a journal in the other. One providing me with everything I need to succeed in this class- and therefore continue to follow the path the Lord has me on. The other proclaiming truth that though my heart feels so conflicted right now, the Lord has a plan.
I'll leave you with a poem I wrote this week, as I turn back to that textbook!

Conflicted 

Torn between the then and now.

Want to serve but I don’t know how.

Studying for hundreds of hours on end,

What about the little girl in need of a friend?

Torn between roles of a student and soon-to-be-wife,

Wanting to fulfill God’s plan for my life.

Longing to bring His children home,

Knowing the truth but my heart still groans.

How do papers and projects fulfill a Kingdom mentality,

When there’s orphans, the widows, the lost, and the starving.

I know He’s called me to Truman as a student for the present.

My heart’s crying for more, as I stand in obedience.

For a year and a half, I’ll attend all my classes.

I’ll write lots of papers, and make lots of messes.

I”ll learn Spanish for His glory, that His name be made known.

That by my present and future, His glory be shown.

1/9/12

Loving this

I love being engaged. Love my future in-laws. Love wedding planning (even the now-frequent nightmares about wedding day disasters- like missing the ceremony or showing up at the hair salon on the wrong day!). Love looking ahead to the future. Love my fiancé! :)

Tradition

"Tradition!!!! Tradition! Tradition!!! Tradition!
The papa, the mama, the son, the daughter....

We all know these lyrics, right?? Good ole' Fiddler on the Roof.
This song has been coming back to me the past couple of weeks as we've been celebrating Christmas. Now that I'm engaged, there's 2 families to celebrate with! And, you guessed it- twice as many traditions!
I love them all. My family always watches Miracle on 34th Street on Christmas Eve, Spencer's family goes to the zoo that day, we both make cookies and gingerbread houses, and the list goes on. There's our gorgeous candlelight service at church (my favorite event of the whole season), and of course, there's all the crazy gift opening.
This season, though, I have felt stuck on what I believe Christmas should be. As we sat at our Christmas Eve service, I looked out over the congregation and saw all of the children from Guatemala, Ethiopia, and China who now have a family to celebrate christmas with thanks to the miracle of adoption. I looked at my friend's family who will be leaving on Friday to go pick up 3 children from the Philippines. NO longer will they spend Christmas in an orphanage. Praise be to God! I began to ponder the number of orphans, and was overwhelmed as I considered how many sanctuaries it would take to hold all the orphans in the world. Hundreds. Maybe thousands. Hundreds of sanctuaries packed with children. And yet we still go out and spend billions on our Christmas gifts?? My heart has been torn. Torn between tradition, culture, family, commercialism, and the call to enjoy what we have been given (which is a Biblical principle).
I loved the O family's post this morning entitled a "Grinchy Christmas." You should read it. I have trouble envisioning what I want Christmas to look like for our future family. Spencer and I both feel very strongly about not focusing on the presents, Santa Claus, and all that goes along with that. I loved how the O family turned gingerbread houses into a fundraiser for orphans, a nativity play into an outreach to the neighborhood, a business trip into a sweet father-daughter experience, Christmas gift certificates that will serve as parent-child date nights, serving lunch at a kitchen even with a 2-year old in tow. Those are the things that serve others, bond families together, and keep children's eyes focused on others and not on the presents underneath the tree.
Traditions?? Absolutely. But let's keep them Christ-centered and others-focused, that we may be serving and learning/teaching in the midst of celebration.