Passion and Purpose

I saw these pictures on Eagle's Nest website today. Those are the very same floors I walked on just 3 short months ago. It feels like a year ago.

They're slowly beginning to take in more precious ones. This little sweetheart arrived yesterday. Her name is Lydia. She hasn't recieved any schooling, and she doesn't even speak Spanish. Only her native dialect.

My heart cries out how? why Lord? why?

Perhaps I will never know.

But these pictures are going up right above my desk to remind me of why I'm here. I am here to study and learn so that I can go back and with God's grace and provision make a future for these children. these children without a family, without an education. To grow in others a passion for adoption and the orphan.

This is why I'm here. To learn and study with passion and purpose.

Wisdom

Wow it's been a longggg time since I've blogged. Life has been crazy busy with college. But this afternoon, the window is open, it's quiet in my dorm, and I feel like writing. I've been doing alot of writing in my journal just to keep up with what God is doing everyday but today I just want to ponder and muse. So this will probably be scattered and random but for now, that's ok.

Today my fabulous math teacher surprised me yet again with another side of him- his deep, wise, and Godly heart. So instead of delving right into linear equations he opened his Bible and gave a short lesson on wisdom, and how at the end of the year it matters more that we have grown in Christ and not math (though that would be a good thing to). because at the end, it's Christ that matters, not whether or not we can figure out complex math problems. So, the scripture he read to us was

James 1:5:
"If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him."

Wow. It was like the teacher knew right where I was at. It just hit me.

Never in my life have I felt insufficient and incompotent for life. There are so many decisions, and i'm at a point where every turn has another fork in the road.Yet at the very same time, I have never felt my every need so supplied. It is as though the Lord is letting me see my need and my helplessness but then turning right around and binding the gap, filling the holes for me. He is teaching me to ask and recieve with humility. When I feel homesick or miss my family so much I just want to drive home, He is teaching me to turn my face to Him and letting Him fill that void in my heart. In the past couple weeks since coming to school I have been presented with several big decisions I need to make, and I have spent alot of time thinking about what to do or where to go or what to choose. Today when he read that verse, I was just filled with peace that I don't need to know these things. God does, and all I need to do is ask Him to reveal it to me.

Lasts

The past couple weeks have been full of lasts.

My brothers and I drove over to my aunt and uncle's house yesterday for one more overnight visit before I go off to school. It has been so bittersweet as we've repeated all of our favorite traditions that have been formed throughout the years over many many visits.

We went to the same Monical's we've been to year after year.We watched Pink Panther, a movie whose quotes we've managed to merge into nearly every conversation lol. We drank root beer from frozen mugs. We laughed, swam, and still have today to make memories as well.

These traditions become so precious when you're about to move on and leave them behind. I've mentally prepared myself for this week for forever, but you just don't know until you get here.

I've smiled so much, and had lots of tears too. While the "lasts" make my heart ache, I can't wait to see what "firsts" God has in store for me next week.

Transition

This summer has been one of transition.

Coming and going. Strengthening relationships and saying goodbye. Leaving the family that I love so dearly, the town I was born in, the church I grew up in.

It is a bittersweet season. Painful to say goodbye to sweet friends, precious family. Yet so much hope for an amazing year away at college.

Fear about homesickness, making friends. Excitement about all that God has to teach me, learning and growing in classes, and meeting all of the people God has called to be in the class of 2014 with me.

It's a summer of transition, but the Lord does not change. When the shadows of doubt or the moment of sadness when I think of leaving, He brings me back to HIS GRACE, GOODNESS, and FAITHFULNESS.

This summer of transition is the first step of an exciting journey.

Lead me on, Lord.

Familiar

No two mission trips are the same. Every experience is different. Different challenges, different lessons, different emotions.

But at least for me, there's always that familiar ache. Every trip, every week, every time. That ache deep in my heart.

It misses Guatemala, misses the people, misses seeing everything in Spanish. Aches to hear the sweet voices and giggles and feel the little hands around my neck again.

No matter how much you prepare yourself the ache is there. And I think it's a part of serving our brothers and sisters in Christ. There is a deep connection and devotion that is established when serving the Church abroad.

It's beautiful. And as my heart aches, I will praise Him for the sweet time I was given and focus what is to come.

Lead Me On

YOu lead me very far away
Into this hurting place
You take me far away from home
Though I'm never alone

You show me hurt, pain, despair
Needy people everywhere
You show me orphans without care
Hungry children everywhere

And so I question as I see
Just what you want from me
How can I go back there,
back to comfort, luxury, not a care.

I need a vision somehow,
I need a word from You right now.
There is silence in the air
And questions everywhere.

Now that I have seen
I have to take responsibility
To act and love and care
For the people left back here

It doesn't fit with the American Dream
Doesn't follow a movie or a magazne
it's gonna' take a step of faith
To get me to this place

I just want my life to be
A lovely, fragrant offering
But I know that this will mean
Alot of sacrificing.

6/27/10

From my journal on 6/27:
Searching out my calling here. My role. I don't knowhow this passionand burden fits into my life back home. Shopping malls, restaurants, dorm shopping, vacations. All good things, yet how to balance priorities. Search my heart, Lord.

Beautiful Words

We went across the lake to San Juan yesterday to work in the clinic of our friend Mary who we met a couple years ago on a previous trip here.

There is a fabulous group from North carolina here as well and they have befriended us, fed us, and filled gaps in our trip never would have anticipated. It has been wonderful. They had 2 nursing students and so we brought them with us on our little trip...which turned into a wet, freezing adventure haha.

They have a full-time nurse, Timoteo, at the clinic but they wanted my dad to work for one day and have the nurse watch. Some of the people spoke Spanish, but the majority spoke Tz-utujil which meant Timoteo translated into Spanish, me into English and back to Spanish with my dad's response, which would then be translated back to Tz-utujil by Timoteo. We saw probably 15 patients, and God graciously gave me incredible understanding of medical terminology. I knew VERY FEW medical words going into this and I was almost always able to understand what they were saying. It was a gift.

My heart reached out to these people. I smiled as I was reminded of their constant friendliness and gratitude. I laughed at the silly antics of the darling children. I so enjoyed talking in Spanish for a full 5 hours, unlocking the mystery of words, using my vocabulary to communicate dialogue in order to help someone. My heart broke for the 38 year old mother with arthritis who can do nothing but sit in her home while her children and husband cook and clean for her. I winced with the malnourished child as she had her blood drawn. My heart loves these people.

I feel as though all of these years of working so hard at Spanish were culminated in these 5 hours of translating. I am finally able to communicate and serve a purpose with my language, and it was beautiful.