Just because....

Just because these pictures are too cute not to share.

My roommate (who also happens to be my wonderful friend) :) and I planned a double date for us and our boyfriends. So much fun.

We got dressed up, made dinner for them, took pictures, played games, and went star-gazing.

The sky was so full of stars that I literally laid on the ground in silence, just staring up at them. Never had I seen the night sky glisten so brightly.

I was completely overwhelmed as I praised the Lord for His greatness, His goodness to me, these precious friends I have been given.

Home

My parents came to visit me this weekend. It was such a sweet time of fellowship as they met all of the friends I have made here.

Our campus ministry had a coffeehouse/talent show for all the parents on Saturday night and as I sat between my dad and Spencer I felt a sense of peace, a sense of security, a sense of home. My heart is here with this community, my parents and my boyfriend were sitting by me with dear friends close by. As I took a moment to praise God for these blessings, I realized just how scary it is to find a safe place, to be in a place of security. Its scary to think that in a moment, all of those things I cling to could fall away. But this is where the firm foundation of Christ comes in. If I build my life, my heart, and my faith on Him alone, then when the precious things of this Earth fail or disappoint me, I will still have Jesus on which to stand, praising Him for the gifts which give me security, joy, and peace in this earthly home.

"He laid the Earth on its foundations, it can never be moved."

Psalm 104:5

The Big Picture

Have you ever stepped out from a cold building into the radiant, hot sun and felt it warm your body to the bone? That is how I felt today as the Lord's goodness washed over me in waves.

I have been so discouraged and frustrated recently with Spanish, and in my pursuit of purpose, was tempted multiple times to give up on the whole thing. I had signed up several weeks ago to go to a nearby town and translate for their parent-teacher conferences at the elementary school. The town is extremely small, and most of the employment comes from the large factory. The school population has gone from 2% Hispanic to almost 44% in the past 10 years. They have new students coming in monthly who neither read or write, and who speak no English.

I was both excited and scared at the prospect of this opportunity to go and translate. My prayer the past few days was that the Lord would make it an encouraging, motivating experience and that I would be reminded of why I chose Spanish in the first place. As I drove there I just had this feeling of anticipation in my heart. I could sense the Spirit was with me and I was excited to see what He would do.

When I got there I found out that I was the only student coming until later on that afternoon. So....I was the only translator there! At first I was regretting coming early but later on when the rest of my group got there most of them weren't able to translate at all because the conferences were over and there were too many of them. The Lord had saved the afternoon for me to be refreshed and encouraged.

I spent the afternoon explaining report cards, projects, and progress to Hispanic parents. There were many who probably got more out of their limited knowledge of English than they ever would my broken Spanish. But there were some who stared at the teachers with blank stares until I translated what was being said. Their beaming faces when being told that their child was excelling, reading, and speaking in English was priceless. The Lord was using me as a bridge to bring news of hope to them.

I got to speak with many teachers and ESL workers as well about bilingual education and the situation in this particular town. It was fascinating, challenging, and saddening as well. Definitely gave me some other options for potential jobs someday.

One particular family was so friendly. The dad spoke absolutely no English. His 2 kids did all the translating for him, but he was so delighted to discover that I could speak to him. He told me over and over again how I would know spanish "muy pronto" (very soon). He was not phased at all by my atrocious grammar or vocabulary but just desired to talk and tell me his story. This is my one of my favorite parts about knowing Spanish. Over the years the Lord has used it so many times to connect with people. I love how using words I can get to know someone, hear their story, look into their heart. It was beautiful and such an encouragement.

I don't know why....but I really just love these people. I melt at any baby or child, but seriously I don't think there's anything more precious than a little brown-skinned baby with the soft black hair...or the sweet toddlers whose hair sticks straight up (all the boys in Guatemala have the cutest sticky-uppy hair) :) A little boy came toddling into the ESL room while I was waiting for a conference and I could barely resist picking him and kissing his sweet face. He smiled SO big and waved at me and trotted right into the room. Mr. Curious.

I wrote a short poem while I was waiting for conferences to start. I sat in a room by myself and and while I was nervous to see what the afternoon would hold I was just overwhelmed by God and His faithfulness that He took me to Guatemala, brought me here and given me the opportunity to talk with these precious people yet having this excitement that this is SO NOT ABOUT ME. I just got so excited to see His kingdom come through the lives of His children. His goodness and power working through my minimal Spanish, through aspiring musicians, through nurses in training, through future businessmen. He so graciously gave me this eternal perspective that I was just blown away. Those lies of purposelessness have been battled by TRUTH.

The Big Picture

You're doing something far beyond I can see

This work and this story going far beyond me

You're turning a little girls love into something great

A tiny golden flame to a burning blaze

I don't know exactly what you want me to do

I'm not really sure when, where, or who

But your hand is so strong on me I can feel

Your presence a power, your peace is a shield.

I'm excited right now to see all that you'll do,

It's a comfort to know all I need is to trust in You.

3/17/11

So, I have no more of an idea of what I'll actually end up doing with my Spanish, if anything. But the Lord's goodness has washed over me, refreshing my heart that was tired and discouraged. Praise His name!

My heart is torn...

Between here.

And here.

Holding this precious little princess they named Isabella Grace...

Or nestling this tiny 10-day old baby boy in my arms...

Not gonna lie.... my heart is struggling.

I feel like I'm missing out on so much.

Spending hours studying while there's so much work to do for the Kingdom.

Yet, the Lord is so tenderly showing me that His work for me is right here.

I received an email asking me to tutor a senior in high school from Puerto Rico.

I'm SO EXCITED!

I get to show the love of Jesus to this girl through smiles and gentle instruction every week.

God's faithfulness just boggles my mind.

And I'm trusting that someday it will be time for me to hold those precious babies...

serve the broken foster children....

be a mama to the fatherless.

But today, He's put me here and I will rejoice!

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

The view from here

As you can tell, I'm currently procrastinating on my homework. Not sitting at my desk. Not learning the aforepictured (new made-up word) :) stack of Spanish flashcards. Instead, I'm giving you a tour of my life at this very moment. You're welcome. :)

A God Who Hears...

For years in high school, and into the beginning of college, I experienced a painful loneliness. Being homeschooled limited my social life, and while I was blessed with a fantastic youth group and several close friends, that aloneness still was a shadow over my heart. For years I have prayed for more friends. Godly, Christian friends who would fill my life and heart with truth...encourage me to be a woman of God...reach my full potential...and He heard. He heard my cry all along. With each year that passed I grew closer to Him, learning to rely on Jesus for my every need.

God ALWAYS answers our prayers. Sometimes His answer is "Yes," other times it is, "No," and still at times He may say, "Not now." It is our job as His children to say, "Yes, Lord, YOU know what is best for me. And you LOVE me! I trust you with my heart, relying on your grace to see me through."

After waiting and praying He gave me this...

"I call out to the Lord, and He answers me from His holy mountain."

Psalm 3:4

"I call on you, my God, for you will answer me; turn your ear to me and hear my prayer."

Psalm 17:6

"He will call on me, and I will answer Him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him."

Psalm 91:15

Be blessed!

Some food for thought...

May God bless you with discomfort at easy answers, half-truths, and superficial relationships - so that you may live deep within your heart.

May God bless you with anger at injustice, oppression, and exploitation of people - so that you may work for justice, freedom, and peace.

May God bless you with tears to shed for those who suffer pain, rejection, hunger and war - so that you may reach out your hand to comfort them and to turn their pain into joy.

And may God bless you with enough foolishness to believe that you can make a difference in the world - so that you can do what others claim cannot be done, to bring justice and kindness to all our children and the poor.
Amen.

Franciscan Benediction

I don't need to say anything else. This sums up my heart right now!

We must go

Everyday that I'm here I learn more about the Savior. I learn more about myself. I learn more about my sin. And I've learned more about His grace that covers over it.

This past week the Lord has been showing me the selfish bubble I'm in. I am selfish. Self-centered and self-seeking. When I'm hungry, I want to eat. When I'm tired, I want to sleep. I have a plan to graduate and I want the people in charge to make my schedule work for ME and MY preferences. When I'm having a bad day, I want people to listen to ME. How does life become so self-absorbed?!

But there have been stop-me-in-my-tracks moments where God puts something in front of me and says, "Daughter. Stop for a second and ponder this. I have given you this LIFE! I have given you this SALVATION! I have given you this HOPE! I have pulled you out of the pit and into a place where you've discovered friendship, laughter, joy, and peace. Look to my face. I am going to point you where my heart is at.... to where I want yours to be also. For this is my call to you."

And so this week I have stopped. And I have pondered. And I wanted to share some of these moments with you, that we might come together in the name of our precious Jesus and bring hope to those who have none.

Our school offers a trip to East Africa and last week they held a chapel on it. I listened to testimonies of people who had gone. One guy touched my heart in particular. He spoke of the broken relationship he had with his father. When he went to Africa and worked with the orphans, he met a little boy who was "his" all week long. I cried as I remembered all the sweet moments I shared with Claudia. I remembered there is life outside these campus walls. My love for that little girl welled up anew in my heart and I wanted to jump on a plane right then.

The entire freshman class is reading the book Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson (an excellent book, by the way). During a lecture hall for that class 2 students from my college spoke about their time in Zambia working at an orphanage. My eyes stayed glued on every picture they showed as I listened to them talk. I was reminded. There is life outside these campus walls. I have seen it myself. Held the children myself. Seen the brokenness.

Last night was the first meeting for a small group Bible study- a gift from God. I truly believe each student that was there has been hand-picked by God to be apart of this group that is striving to live radically on this campus. To live like Jesus. It was an entire hour to stop and focus on living the Christian life. What does it look like? How can we make a difference right here where we are... and around the world? As we prayed, one girl was acknowledging her conviction of selfishness. my heart could not have agreed more. I take MY plans and make them priority over God's. I go to Him, asking that He make a trial easier, a burden less painful. That He fix things in my life to make it "better." "Better" according to who?! Me?! I want HIS version of "better." And if a trial is what will make me more into the woman He wants me to be, then I will take it. My heart is aching like it never has before to become the person He wants me to be, and fulfill the call that He has on my life. This is a new season in so many ways, and He's teaching me to stop and listen.

Today, I read Anna's blog post today about her precious sponsor child from Haiti. He died. An innocent, beloved, beautiful 7 year old. He was a sick little boy. But his smile? It showed no signs of his fragile body- it was happy. I stopped when I read it and asked myself why? WHY WHY WHY Lord?! But I know that it is children like these that He is preparing THIS generation to go out and serve. I just know it. I have met people here who are passionate and I am watching their every move because I want to learn. I want to learn how to live radically. I want to learn how to live "not of this world but in it."

And so this thought brings me to the end of my pondering for this post. I'm afraid if I don't write this out, that I will never change. I need to be pushed. If the Lord is showing me this things, and if I KNOW there is brokenness and need out in the world, why am I waiting to change? I am EXCITED to see what our faithful God has done. I am THANKFUL to be in a place with people who are encouraging and challenging me. I pray that they continue to do so. Because God has BIG plans. Whether we go and rescue orphans or just live a life of Godly love here on campus His purpose will be done!

"Look at the nations and watch- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your day that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5

"We must go, live to feed the hungry, stand besides the broken, we must go. Stepping forward, keep us from just singing, move us into action. We must go." Tim Hughes (video of his song below)

"Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows famine and poverty. But I'm afraid He might ask me the same thing."

"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of God is not in him. For everything in the world- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does- comes not from the father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." 1 John 2:15-17

No Limits

I have learned incredible lessons since going to college. It has been one of the most stretching, challenging, awe-inspiring, faith-strengthening, and joyful seasons of my life so far. I feel so incredibly blessed that sometimes all I can do is cry tears of gratitude to the Lord for being so gracious and generous.



One of the biggest themes of the past 2 months has been learning what true faith is. God has shown me that I had put limits on Him. I knew that He was capable and willing but I was willing to settle for less, pray for less.

But He surpassed all my expectations and desires for college and left me standing absolutely in awe of His greatness.

I have had the sweetest times of prayer and reading the Word with my sweet Savior. He has been slowly making me examine my heart. As I take classes and plan for the next few years of school a vision for my future is slowly forming and it is exciting.

The following is a poem I wrote not too long ago as I pondered what God's calling on my life is and how I am to prepare for it here at school:

Calling

I feel a calling and a purpose, a hope for something great.

I have a hope and a desire, an ache to find a place.

Where my passions and my time will serve a hurting world.

I know, I trust, I believe that God has something good.

I want to see a hurting people turn to Jesus' face

I want to see the orphan child wrapped in a warm embrace

I want to serve while speaking Spanish, talk of hope and faith and love

I will go where God will send me, serve by strength from above

I pray I'll find a Godly husband, who I can love, help, and serve

We can embark on this together, this call to orphans on the earth.

I have a vision of a picture, a group underneath a tree.

They are white, black, brown, and yellow, from near and across the seas.

They've had sorrow, pain, and sadness but Christ has set them free.

Together they are healing to become a family.

Someday I hope this picture hangs right inside my home.

I trust in God's plan fully as He leads into the unknown.

10/06/10

Something I've spent alot of time thinking and praying through is how to merge my passion for orphans and adoption into the college life. it is so easy to get frustrated with the use of time and money, the skewed priorities, and lack of concern for anything outside of college. I am NOT saying this is true of every college student. BUT, in general, it is just natural for us college tsudents to get wrapped up in our classes, social lives, and activities. And it is hard to focus on huge ministry things like the orphan crisis. I still haven't figured out great ways to do this. But I think what the Lord has shown me is to seek His face. Growing in my relationship with Him is going to be the first step to hearing, knowing, and following the call He has on my life for after college.

As you can tell from my poem, my heart's greatest desire is to someday be "mommy" to lots of kiddos. From all around the world :) I don't know how and when and where but I truly believe that's ultimately what the Lord is calling me to. However, I know that He has given me this season in order to prepare me for what's ahead- and I am thankful! Because I still have so much to learn!

So I am rejoicing in this time. Thoroughly enjoying in new Christ-centered friendships. Learning more and more about my Savior. Delighting in the little ways He "romances" me everyday (another post on that to come soon hopefully! Our bible study has been on how the Lord romances us and it has been so good for me!). Studying hard and learning all I can. Looking forward to what He has ahead for me. Living by faith, trusting that our LIMITLESS God will do miracles!

Lasts

The past couple weeks have been full of lasts.

My brothers and I drove over to my aunt and uncle's house yesterday for one more overnight visit before I go off to school. It has been so bittersweet as we've repeated all of our favorite traditions that have been formed throughout the years over many many visits.

We went to the same Monical's we've been to year after year.We watched Pink Panther, a movie whose quotes we've managed to merge into nearly every conversation lol. We drank root beer from frozen mugs. We laughed, swam, and still have today to make memories as well.

These traditions become so precious when you're about to move on and leave them behind. I've mentally prepared myself for this week for forever, but you just don't know until you get here.

I've smiled so much, and had lots of tears too. While the "lasts" make my heart ache, I can't wait to see what "firsts" God has in store for me next week.

Glimpses of the future..

These are some shots I got a couple weekends ago while visiting my college for next year. I did lots of picture editing this weekend!

So much to come

Oh my I have alot to blog about!

The faithfulness of God has permeated my every hour this weekend, and it was breathtakingly beautiful and overwhelming.

The past 2 years has been a loooonnngggg season of college searching. It has been an absolute rollercoaster with numerous changes in plans and disappointments. Yet- it has also been filled with incredible lessons and experiences. I can honestly say I would not be the person I am today if I'd had a "normal" college search.

This past weekend, I attended a "pre-orientation" at a small, Christian liberal arts school in a neighboring state. And God said to me, "My daughter, this is the place for you."

Thank you Jesus! We had a lovely banquet, fellowship time, opportunity to meet friends for next year, placement testing, an Honors program interview, met my roommate, and I put together my schedule for fall. After my schedule had been made I went into the bathroom and sat there for a few minutes before my interview. Tears were filling up my eyes with the enormity of what God has done. Relief was flooding over me. For the past few months I had wondered if there was a school out there for me at all. But God knew!

And so it was with amazement and excitement that I told people of my plans for next year all day yesterday. My heart is filled with joy and I can feel a spring in my step :)

I want to thank all of you who prayed for me the past 2 years, gave me advice, and gave me HOPE to keep pushing on! The finish line is here!

Dear FedEx Man

Dear FedEx Man,

I gave you a package to deliver on Monday night and it should be arriving at the destination today. If you didn't slip in this wintry weather. I prayed over that package alot before bringing it to you. It contains important letters and essays I worked hard on and a scholarship hinges on its prompt arrival. Please take good care of it and drive as fast as you can without slipping on the ice.

Thank you,

Molly