20 Things

We had to make a "bucket list" of 20 things we want to do before we die for our health class. I sat down at my computer thinking, "Oh this is going to be so easy. That's not many things at all." But as I got going, I realized that it's a harder task than I thought.

The Lord has given us one life. ONE. Our time on this Earth is precious. I want to make every minute count, yet I waste so much time. So much opportunity. The harvest is ripe, it is ready....and yet much of it is in the field rotting. At the same time, there is much that is being done for the kingdom, and it is beautiful. The Lord is growing hearts, churches are reaching out to the lost, missionaries are sharing the Gospel, families are adopting the orphan. Beautiful things are happening everyday.

So this list is not in any particular order, and some are obviously more important than others. I'm excited to see what God has for me...and which ones I'll get to cross off! :)

Health 195

3/31/11

20 Things to Do Before I Die

1. Get Married
2. Have a baby
3. Adopt kids
4. Run an orphanage
5. Go to Uganda
6. Evangelize and bring someone to Christ in Spanish
7. Run a half-marathon
8. Be a missionary over-seas (hopefully/maybe in Guatemala)
9. Read through the Bible in Spanish
10. Write a book or 2…
11. Speak at a women’s conference
12. Teach about orphans and adoption
13. Learn to cook
14. Go on a hiking adventure of some sort
15. Start a non-profit organization for adoptive families
16. Get my counseling license
17. Learn how to take quality pictures
18. Own and decorate my own house
19. Learn to lead worship on piano
20. Teach a health/parenting/lamaze class in Spanish

So much to come

Oh my I have alot to blog about!

The faithfulness of God has permeated my every hour this weekend, and it was breathtakingly beautiful and overwhelming.

The past 2 years has been a loooonnngggg season of college searching. It has been an absolute rollercoaster with numerous changes in plans and disappointments. Yet- it has also been filled with incredible lessons and experiences. I can honestly say I would not be the person I am today if I'd had a "normal" college search.

This past weekend, I attended a "pre-orientation" at a small, Christian liberal arts school in a neighboring state. And God said to me, "My daughter, this is the place for you."

Thank you Jesus! We had a lovely banquet, fellowship time, opportunity to meet friends for next year, placement testing, an Honors program interview, met my roommate, and I put together my schedule for fall. After my schedule had been made I went into the bathroom and sat there for a few minutes before my interview. Tears were filling up my eyes with the enormity of what God has done. Relief was flooding over me. For the past few months I had wondered if there was a school out there for me at all. But God knew!

And so it was with amazement and excitement that I told people of my plans for next year all day yesterday. My heart is filled with joy and I can feel a spring in my step :)

I want to thank all of you who prayed for me the past 2 years, gave me advice, and gave me HOPE to keep pushing on! The finish line is here!

Dreaming

Sometimes my head is just a little stuck in the future. I have trouble staying in the now, the present, today. I dream alot... i love trying to imagine what it will be like to finally be a wife and a mom.

What it will be like to finally adopt my first little one.

Whether my family will be large and made up of many nations like this one is.....will I have children from all over the world??? I have this idea for my family room someday. I want a built-in shelving unit in my family room with lots of shelves, one for each country that my children are from. Then I'll put decorations/items from their country in their shelf and we'll have all of the places represented in our family room.... that more than you wanted to know??? Oh sorry you get it anyway :)

If God will open the doors for me to run an orphanage to house these precious ones who are fatherless, these children who have no voice. I dream of the next time I get to wrap my arms around this precious one. What is God going to use her for??? What does He have in store for my Claudia girl??

Only the Father knows if any of these desires He has placed in me will come to fruition. But it never hurts to dream, right???

I know what I'm doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for. 12"When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. "When you come looking for me, you'll find me. "Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed."

Jeremiah 29:11-13

A new season..

It's funny how life works sometimes. Things that you wait forever on finally happen, God answers prayer in mysterious ways, plans change, things become more clear as God refines our hearts.

I feel as though I have entered a new season of life.... filled with new joys, delights, and experiences. There are new challenges as well, but so far the joy has been greater than the challenges! God has blessed me in so many ways and I am so thankful.

I never expected God to transform my relationship with my brothers. I am in awe of what He has done between the 3 of us over the summer. We all changed and learned alot and our relationship has done a complete 180. I am so excited to see what more God does in the next few months!

I never thought I would be surrounded by such amazing people this year. All but one of them have stepped into my life through various ways just in the past 6 months. This is truly an act of God's grace. Bloggy friends, this includes you too. I have learned much from you all in the past year!!

We have shared, laughed, and cried together (but mainly laughed).

I never thought that I would get to spend part of my week playing with 2 precious little boys as a job.

I didn't believe that our family would ever get any bigger. I had prayed and prayed for that to happen and I had finally surrendered that dream to the Lord, believing that it was not in His will. But He has shown me that He does change hearts, and this new season of my life will involve nurturing whatever foster kids He brings into our home.

And lastly, I most certainly did not expect to be looking at this beautiful flower sitting on my desk given to me by my boyfriend. Yes you heard me correctly. I am now dating my friend Spencer, who I've grown up with at church. And I am delighted to enter into this new season! :) So, to sum it all up, this is definitely a new season of life for me.

Ecclesiastes 3 talkes about how there is a time for everything.

There is a time for everything,and a season for every activity under heaven:
a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain,
a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in His time.

I am slowly learning to embrace this verse. As aspects of my life change, I am learning to see that God is unchanging. His love, His mercy, His grace withstands time and trials. They are there yesterday, today, and forever. Through trial, pain, doubt and through smiles, laughter, and joy He stays the same.

I am also learning to see how He truly does make everything beautiful in His time. Sometimes, we don't see the beauty for years afterwards. I think there are occasions in which we won't see the beauty this side of heaven either. But I've found that if I seek the face of Jesus and ask Him to show me the beauty in a situation, He will guide my eyes to the place I need to look. Sometimes, He will turn my head 180 degrees. Other times, He will keep my face directly on His, because in Him, you can always find beauty.

Just a stone..

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." Isaiah 55:8-9

You know, sometimes I stop and wonder what God is thinking. I wonder what road He has me on, because my road map certainly did not show this as part of the itinerary. Other times, I come up to a fork in the road.... except it's a fork with like 8 different paths. And then I wish that He would just choose for me haha. Either way, this journey of life is really quite a bit harder than it looks.

And I have alot of learning to do. My dad told me today that he'd read that the most frequent command in the Bible was not to fear. Over and over, God told His people Do not fear, my children!! because He knew that life gets hard. He knew that we would be prone to be afraid and would have trouble trusting Him in the storms.

The Lord and I showed me again today that He is trustworthy. I really don't like trusting people. It means giving them my heart, letting them into my life. It means risking being disappointed, getting hurt. I have trouble trusting my life to God as well. Sometimes I feel like I'm holding on with 2 hands, straining to maintain control of my life, my future. But I am not in control. I have a sovereign God who is faithful, and who has a plan for my life. Even though I may not understand it.

I remembered a book I read where the author talked about a mosaic. She said that each season, each chapter of our lives is like a stone. Some of them are beautiful and radiant. Others are cracked, marred by trials. When we're in that part, all we see is that stone. We look at God with eyes full of confusion, unsure of why He chose this path for us.

But later on, as we look back at our lives, we see the mosaic. The stones fit together perfectly. Even the ugly ones fit in to complete the picture.

So when life is stormy and I am forced to hold onto God and trust Him with my life, I remember that this is just a stone, just a piece of the mosaic, a piece of the masterpiece that God is creating.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to all you awesome moms out there!

Our family had a great day at my aunt and uncle's house, filled with good food and relaxing outside (i'll post pics of that tommorow hopefully).

As we drove home from my aunt's house I watched this sunset the whole way home, thought about my day, listened to worship music, and attempted to sort out all of my thoughts from the day:

This was kind of a different Mother's Day for me. I have been very contemplative and reflective all day. I will attempt to write it all out. It might make sense and it might not but either way it will do me good to sort out my thoughts. Writing always does!

First of all, I'm so thankful for my mama! I have definitely been blessed with a mommy who loves, cares for, supports, and listens. She knows me best and reads me like a book. She has encouraged me in my passions and dreams and continues to do so as I make more plans for the future. I love you Mom!!

Right after I'd gotten dressed up for church, did my hair and makeup, etc. I sat down to do a quick email check before leaving. I opened my Google Reader (the best invention for blog readers EVER lol) and saw that our friends the Arnolds had posted. A year ago today, they got their precious Libi in China. Mrs. Arnold's post was so sweet and it just made me cry. Seeing how far Libi has come in the past year is amazing. God has been so gracious. Sweet Libi Faith has a forever family and the best mommy. And very soon, her big sister Haddie Hope will come home to this same family, and will be wrapped up in the arms of this special mommy. Praise God for bring the orphans home!

Our friends the Semlows left for Ethiopia on Wednesday and it has been incredible watching their family's journey to get their 3 precious children. Today, on Mother's Day, they met their kids for the first time. 3 orphans met their new mommy and daddy for the first time. They will forever more celebrate Mothers Day with their 5 other siblings.

So many miracles on Mothers Day. My heart leaped for joy and delight at the blessings from the Lord. Yet I couldn't help but have a heavy heart at the same time. I am alway so ambivolent!! Happy at some things, yet broken over other things. All at the same time.

I thought of the little girl who has stolen my heart. When I was there in March she called me her "mama." My sweet Claudia is in Guatemala still. Without a mommy. That sentence just breaks my heart. Need I say anymore?

And thinking of her makes me think of all the others. The millions of children who have no woman to call mommy. Nobody to painstakingly scribble a card to. No mom who will squeal with delight at their littlest of victories. No mommy to tuck them in tight at night. No mommy to rock them to sleep. Sometimes these thoughts are all too much for me to bear. But this is the reality of our world. This is the pain of the fall- that there are children left without the nurturing touch of a mother. And this is not how God intended it to be. But as I grieve for these children, I know that what breaks my heart is breaking God's heart. When tears fall as my heart breaks, there are tears rolling down the cheeks of the Father's as well.

So I watched the sun dip lower and lower in the sky, until all I could see was the pink glow above the trees. I thought of our dear friends who would just be waking up to that rosy orange sun in Ethiopia. I thought of Haddie Hope who would be rolling out of bed, waiting another day for her mommy and daddy to come get her. I thought of all of the children and prayed. I prayed for the mother of my future children, if the Lord chooses to allow me to adopt. She is probably walking around somewhere. I prayed for my future, and where the Lord might lead me. My heart SO LONGS to DO. GO. HELP. There's so many options. So many possibilities. So much need. But I have one BIG God who has a BIG plan. And I'm trusting in Him to show me the way. The sun can go down and close this Mother's Day and I know that it will rise once again tommorow in all it's radiant beauty, bringing the hope and joy of a new day. My heart is burdened but is steadfast, anchored in the firm foundation of the Lord. I'm trusting my God for today, tommorow, and forever. Maybe someday I'll be able to make a difference. And give a child a mommy.

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Jeremiah 29:11-13

Prayer

Prayer has been a common theme recently in my life. God is definitely emphasizing it in His lessons with me! Our pastor has been doing a fantastic sermon series on Daniel. This week he talked about Daniel 9. It was really good and I was just really convicted of my prayer life (or lack of one)!

So... I thought I'd highlight some of his points for my benefit as well as anyone else who would be interested.

1. God Ordains Prayer
The greatest of Christians, the ones whose lives bore great fruit also spent much time in prayer. George Mueller (a huge advocate for the orphans) said, "I know my God, and my God knows me." Through prayer, He grew to know God on a deep level, and the Lord blessed that! God ordains prayer, it is a gift to us, that we can come to Him and just talk.

Pastor Bob also made a really good statement that I liked, "A beautiful, honorable man or woman is not formed in 1/2 hour. It takes a lifetime of prayer and seeking God."

2. God Motivates Prayer
The motive for our prayer is for God to be glorified. If we make God the object in our prayer, then our motive is for Him to be glorified. I am continually asking myself if I am seeking God in prayer or just seeking my own desires. There is definitely a difference and I fall into the pothole of selfishly praying far too often.

3. God Answers Prayer
God answers EVERY prayer. Does He answer them the way we want to? Absolutely not. Does He answer them that He might be glorified? YES. And the most beautiful thing is that we have done NOTHING for our God to answer prayers. We have done nothing that our God would turn His ear to our pleas. But He does. Because of His great mercy. This mercy that He gives freely, that's new every morning!
"We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy."
David 9:18.

In the past month God has been teaching me to pray with faith and expectancy. It is hard sometimes, but the least we can do is pray believing that God can and will answer in a way that will bring Him glory. As I've prayed for our friends the Semlows' adoption I've prayed for MIRACLES. As I've prayed for my trip to Guatemala I have been trying hard to pray for BIG things- things that only GOD in His mighty power to do. And trust that our God can and will answer in BIG ways. As soon as I started praying in that way the enemy whispered doubts and lies in my ear and I've had to learn to fight this- with more prayer!! God has shown Himself to us time and again so why do I have such unbelief and doubt?!

So as I continue on in my day I trust that my feeble prayers coming from my unrighteous heart are reaching the ears of the Almighty. And that He has heard and will answer in His time in His own way- to be glorified.

Catch up

Wow. I looked at my posts and realized it's been two whole weeks since I've blogged. And it's been almost three since I've actually blogged about life. I'm not really sure why I haven't blogged. I could say that I've been busy (true) but then I should have plenty to blog about. I think I've realized the past month just how incredibly precious friendships are. So I think that the main reason I haven't blogged is because I've really just treasured my time actually talking with people and not really enjoying the computer world as much. Anyhow, there's my reasoning!

So to catch up on life.

1. I'm done with the ACT for now! Yaay! My score went up a point but i'm still a point below what I want. It's okay though! I can always bring it up another point. I'm fairly confident of that.

2. We took a trip to Ole Miss to see the college. It was a fun trip with lots of laughs (thank you Mrs. Brown for going with us!! lol!). I loved this college as well. It has SOO many amazing opportunities and some really neat people. It was good to see another college but now I'm more confused than ever on where I want to go. There's so many pros and cons to all of them! But... I have a year to decide.

Gotta love the scarves.... thanks Mrs. Thomas! :)

3. The Juvinalls (roll your mouse over their name to go to their blog) headed to Ethiopia on Friday. They've already had some travel difficulties but are in Dubai right now, and should arrive in Ethiopia soon. They're getting back on Saturday with their precious daughter Iona and I am so excited. I'm going to lose it when they walk in lol. Definitely planning on bringing kleenex. So hop on over to their blog and be praying for them!!

4. I went on a youth retreat this past weekend with church and had an amazing time. It was a great weekend. I always have trouble coming back from retreats because I SO love being with people and coming home is kind of a letdown but I've stayed busy today and will be very busy this week babysitting kiddos Monday-Wednesday so the week should go by fast! Anyway, back to the retreat I think the thing that God most convicted me of is in my study this morning of James 4:1-10 which is basically about prayer. Verses 2-3 say, "You want something but don't get it. You kill and covet but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive, because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures." I was just convicted of all the times that I just don't ask at all because my faith is too small, as well as the times that I selfishly ask for things. This has especially been true the past couple of months when the Lord has made evident His plans for the next year (which is exactly opposite what I wanted!). It has been a tough month but God has shown His faithfulness through it all. This weekend was just a good time of focus and renewal, a reminder to put God's kingdom above my own. His plans above my plans. His desires above my desires. To seek Him first with all of my heart!!

4. We met Aunt Diane and Uncle Dan for Monical's pizza tonight. Yummy...

5. And just a funny thing that i just remembered. I wrote a paper last week about Slavery for my English Literature class and the teacher made this comment, "Molly, Great work! You had several interesting and valid points. Try to write more formally in the future......" I looked back on it after I'd received my grade and realized that it sort of resembled my blog post style. I nearly laughed out loud. I did too much blogging there for awhile and forgot how to write a formal paper.

6. Pics from our small group girls cookie party. We got together to make cookies and messed up the dough because we got busy talking (i think that's what happened at least!). So they wouldn't really make good cookies. Not to be robbed of our dessert, we got out a pan and made a cookie cake. Add some ice cream, chocolate sauce, and sprinkles and we were good to go! :)

Love these girls!!! Thank you Lord for these friendships!

7. I just got new updates on my sweet Claudia girl. I just cannot get these sweet kids off of my mind. A few tears trickled down my cheeks when I opened up the email with these pics in it. This precious girl who absolutely captured my heart is growing up without her family. And I could go on and on. I don't know what God has in store for me but I know that these kids are etched into my heart somehow. And it makes it hard to sit here and do school all day when I know that they need help!

I love you, Claudia! I pray that someday i'll hold you in my arms again and hear your enchanting laugh. I pray that your mommas there are teaching you about Jesus, our faithful God, and the love that He has for you. He is your Father!! He says in John 14:18 "I will not leave you as orphans, I will come to you." He has adopted you, sweet girl! He has broken through the bondage and set you free, giving you a family like no other through Christ and the church. I wish that I could give you the earthly family that you need but I can't do that. All I can do is pray, for we cannot receive what we do not ask for!

Have a great week! I'm determined to keep up on this now. I think I really missed blogging...

A New Day

I'm sitting here with a steaming hot chocolate at my desk watching the rays of sunlight stream through the trees. It's so beautiful. It makes me thankful that God's incredible beauty is so evident through all of creation- in the trees and flowers, reflected in the enchanting eyes of a child, wrapped up in the loving arms of a friend's hug, glimmering in a smile. I rejoice in my God who is worthy of praise!!

It has been so long since I have blogged. I guess you could say I took a little sabbatical. And I decided to come back this morning (when I should be doing schoolwork...)! :)

So I'm not really sure where to start! It's been a crazy couple of weeks. I've been very busy with school, as well as working some extra shifts for people at the office. Tonight we're having a baby shower for the Juvinalls, since they're going to get Iona pretty soon! I'm very excited for tonight, and I think that it will be very special. I will definitely post pictures and details when it's over! :)

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God has been so incredibly good (as always) to me and I see His kindness reflected every day. He has been so faithful to show me hope the past few weeks. For the most part, I think I've adjusted to the new plan for school. The changes have allowed me to re-evaluate my priorities, and just my life in general. The question I've been asking myself is, "How then should I live?" This is a question that Franciss A. Schaeffer asked when he wrote his book, "How then Should We Live?" which I have not read. I think that it is probably too intelligent for my brain! lol. Anyway, this question has been weighing heavily on my heart and I've really been trying to seek out the Lord's will on this. The ache in my heart for the orphans is overwhelming. So, knowing there are 143 million orphans in this world, how am I to live?? How can these next years best be spent to aid these precious children?

My mom and I had a really good conversation last weekend about the future and I was filled with excitement and anticipation for everything that God has in store for me. I'm humbled by the grace that He shows. That He offers me a new day, a chance to try again, to grow, and to seek Him more fully. The beauty that is revealed when I seek Him just overwhelming. The grace and mercy I find is indescribable.

You, oh Lord, are worthy of praise. Thank you for showing me hope and love, great Father!

Give thanks to the Lord, call on His name;

make known among the nations what he has done.

Sing to Him, sing praise to Him;

tell of all His wonderful acts.

Glory in His holy name;

let the hearts of those who seek the Lord rejoice.

Look to the Lord and his strength,

seek His face always.

Remember the wonders he has done,

his miracles, and the judgements he pronounced.

O descendants of Israel his servant,

O descendants of Jacob his chosen one.

He is the Lord our God;

his judgements are in all the earth.

He remembers His covenant forever,

the word he commanded for a thousand generations.

1 Chronicles 16:7-15

Guess What????

I'M BACK!! :)

Finally, after almost an entire week, I'm ready to blog again. I've had 5 of the hardest, most stretching, challenging days that I can ever remember. So I come back here to write not about my victories, for I have none except that which God gives me. Any strength I have is through Him. Any love I have is through Him. Any hope I have is through Him. Hallelujah. But I write because I want to give Him the glory (oh, and because I missed blogging!).

Last Wednesday, my parents and I sat down for a talk who's outcome I was NOT expecting!! Due to complications with scholarship deadlines, potential graduation dates, and so on, we made the very tough decision for me to graduate next year instead of this year. Yeah, so I'm now a junior in high school! Thus began the next loop in this rollercoaster I'm on. For now, I think that I'm riding on flat ground.. but I thought that last time as well.

The Lord began a great work in me that morning and it's still going. I don't ever remember being so convicted, encouraged, and disappointed all at the same time. I go from thinking, "Yes, Lord, this is your plan for me. You've showed me so many good things that will come from this. Thank you!" and then an hour later I'll be in tears pleading with Him to please show me why this had to happen.

I'd sat down about 15 times to try and blog about this experience but my emotions were so raw I just couldn't bring myself to write anything. I truly had to "grieve" the loss of my dream of graduating early. It seems so dumb but that's what i was working for. Each day when I got up to do school I was working towards college. Of course, I still am, just not like before.

But, if only for my benefit, I do want to share a few ways that God's glory has been shown through the past 5 days:

1. God has been preparing me for this season all along. He had me do a devotional this summer about joy. And oh boy am I leaning on that right now!! This week has tested my ability to find joy to the fullest!! I was reminded of how my joy must be found not in my circumstances, but with Christ!

2. God has shown me, specifically yesterday and today, where i had built my idols. When He rocked my world (that's what it felt like) and we completely changed plans for next year, those idols were stripped away. When those idols were stripped away, I started turning to other things in my life, only to find myself panicking because none of those were secure. I've had to just read the Scriptures and know that God still loves me despite all of these things He's convicted me of and the shaky, fearful, insecure, saddened person I was after Wednesday. I've had to believe that His plan is PERFECT.

3. God has used music this week in a mighty, incredible way. On Wednesday I made a CD with all of my favorite encouraging songs that I have listened to in the car ever since. Now, when I have a "moment" when I feel the discouragement, frustration, or disappointment seep in He brings one of those songs to mind!!

There's so much more I could say but I'm too tired. I can't believe how freeing it has been to write in somewhere other than my journal (although that has been incredibly healing as well). So thanks for reading. I'm glad to be back in the blogosphere!!

I'm sure I'll be writing more soon about life in general and the fresh perspective I have on how I want to live life in light of this huge change! The Lord definitely redeems every situation. It's been such a tough week but I keep seeing sunshine poke through the storm clouds!!

"For I know the plans i have for you,' says the lord, 'plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11

Sweet Renewal

Yesterday morning was not heading in a good direction. Several things had come up to make me feel stressed, I was seriously afraid I was going to fail my chemistry test, and I had pridefully skipped my devotional, telling myself I didn't need it. Ha! The Lord would show me otherwise. Halfway through my morning the Lord prompted me to go upstairs and spend some time in the Word. He was totally tugging at my heart and He showed i really needed my time with Him. I'd been given some C.S. Lewis stuff to read so I settled down in my chair to dig into that. The topic was on giving our WHOLE selves to Him. Not part of myself but ALL of it. My hopes, fears, dreams, insecurities, and desires. ALL of it. I lost it. I sat and wept. The Lord was pushing me again to surrender all. And I was just completely overwhelmed with thankfulness to our God for holding my heart so tenderly, for loving me, for His grace and mercy, for forgiving me AGAIN and AGAIN, for adopting me as His own daughter, for creating a plan for my life, for providing such an incredible family and church family with friends who care about me. And I also could sense the peace of the Spirit wash over me. The college trip raised alot of questions about what's realistic for the next 4 years. The whole weekend I was just praying that the Lord would keep my mind open to wherever He wants me, and that He would make the path clear, that He would give me courage to do whatever He has for me next year, and that I would be able to fight the fear and doubt that keeps creeping into my heart. God just blows me away sometimes with His faithfulness. Praise God!!

"The Lord is my light and my salvation-
whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life-
of whom shall I be afraid?

When evil men advance agaisnt me
to devour my flesh,
when my enemies and my foes attack me,
they will stumble and fall.

Though an army besiege me,
my heart will not fear;
though war break out against me,
even then I will be confident.

One thing of the Lord,
this is what I seek:
that i may dwell in the house of the Lord
all the days of my life,
to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord
and to seek him in his temple.

For in the day of trouble
he will keep me safe in his dwelling;
he will hide me in the shelter of his tabernacle
and set me high upon the rock.

Then my head will be exalted
above the enemies who surround me;
at his tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy;
i will sing and make music to the Lord.

Hear my voice when I call, O Lord;
be merciful to me and answer me.

My heart says of you, "Seek his face!!!"
Your face, O Lord, I will seek.

Psalm 27

While I'm Waiting

The perfect song for my life right now!! I am certainly waiting and trying to trust God through it all. I am determined NOT to waste this time of waiting to figure out what's going to happen next year. God can and will use us in any stage, any part of the journey. That's what life is, a journey, full of steep climbs, ruts in the road, treacherous passages, as well as meandering streams, quiet meadows, and hilltops of victory. How great is our God.



Thanks for sharing this one Mrs. Semlow! :)

Thoughtful Thursday

Instead of Thankful Thursday it's going to be Thoughtful Thursday!!

For starters, today was the first day of real school for me! Yaay! To re-cap, it's an accredited, Christian, online school. It's so different than last year's program!! I LOVE it! It's very structured (which I love), very flexible, and I love what I'm learning. It feels so good to be back into a routine and to be learning again. I really want to try my very best this year and put forth 100% effort. I really do feel like this program is a gift from God. However, the ChemLab is probably the most ridiculous program ever. It's too confusing for my little brain!! And if anybody ever wants a good laugh just come over and I'll show you some of my videos. I was sitting by myself laughing while watching them. Oh.... I love this school. It's going to be GREAT! :)

God has kept me on my toes this past month and I finally realized today why He's been teaching me the things He has. It was just a crazy month with the unsureness about school, graduating, college, etc. This whole time He has not only been teaching me to trust but showing me that my life is not my own. I've had my life planned out for forever. I knew exactly what kind of college I wanted, what kind of room mate, what I wanted to do for a living, when I wanted to get married, etc. And I really do think that in my heart I have held onto and desired "my plan" more than God's will. Sure I pray, "If this is in your will, please..." but deep down I'm holding onto my "life plan" with both hands. I just couldn't let it go. Couldn't give it over to God and surrender these dreams.

So He's had to shake things up in my life to get my attention. He longs for me to let go and rest. The reason He doesn't show us our future is so that we have to trust in Him all the more!! But it's painful. By surrendering I'm saying that I can be content in the life that He has for me. I want that life! More than I can say. But I just realized today that there's that part of me that just can't let go. I'm not really sure that any human can completely just sit and let God take the wheel but He's shown me that in my heart i need to clear some of that out. The future I long for is taking my focus off of Him and the beautiful story He's writing. It seems to be an ongoing process. As Christians, we're constantly havingI'm not sure anything I wrote made sense... :) But that's what I've been working through. Giving all of me to Him! So today whenever something didn't go the way I thought they should, or something started to look like our plans might not work I just stopped, took a breath, and prayed, acknowleding that our God is all-powerful and that if this is His will then I will take it and trust Him. Life is a journey. It's not all sunshine and flowers. There's tough stuff. But why live my life focused on anything but Him? Life's hard enough as it is (and really, my issues are minute compared to some!!)!! He's here to hold me, lavishing me with grace and love like no other!! How blessed am I to be a daughter of Him. Praise God.


"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Jeremiah 29:11 (i know I talk about this verse alot. Sorry. I'm just kinda' obsessed with it right now!! lol!!)

True Beauty

Our pastor spoke about wives and husbands today at church. It was a very good sermon, in my opinoin. Of course, I have zero experience in marriage (or dating for that matter!) but it sounded good to me. And, to my surprise, when he talked about how a wife thrives on the love, praise and security a husband should give, I totally understood what he was saying and could identify with that in my own heart. And when he talked about how a wife should treat her husband with respect and submit to him I realized alot of it can be put into practice with my relationship with my dad. Anyway, our opening scripture was found in 1 Peter.

"..... they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes. Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is great worth in God's sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful."
1 Peter 3:1b-5b

I guess I'd never paid attention to these verses before! But when I read them this morning they ministered to my heart. Our culture focuses SO MUCH on things that will make us look more beautiful, more appealing. And we listen!! We go and buy the latest trends, get the newest makeup, have our hair styled the new way. I'm not saying this is wrong. However, speaking for myself, I forget that it's not all about how I look, it's about what's inside. I wouldn't want someone to like me just because of my appearance anyway. Jesus loves me because of who I am on the inside. He looks at me when I wake up in the morning with dark eyes, disheveled hair, and baggy pajamas and he says, "You are beautiful! I love you because of your heart not for your appearance."

It says in the last verse that "this is how the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful." They focused on their attitude, their spirit, their hearts. They trusted that God would bring them a husband who would look past their faces and into their hearts. Why can't I do that? Is it pride? Am I too scared that I will be rejected by people if my outward appearance isn't beautiful enough? Why do we spend more time trying to impress the people of this world than we do on our hearts? The One who has shown the greatest love deserves our attention, not the mirror!! Our inner beauty is of great worth to God and I think I need to focus a little more on that. I want to be the wife someday who has the "unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit," "noble character (proverbs 12)," "a wife who is hardworking, compassionate, has strength and dignity, full of laughter, wise with faithful instruction on the tongue, and who fears the Lord." (majorly summarized Proverbs 31:10-31)

Khalil Gibran, (1883 - 1931)
Beauty is not in the face;
beauty is a light in the heart.

Ivan Panin
For every beauty there is an eye somewhere to see it.
For every truth there is an ear somewhere to hear it.
For every love there is a heart somewhere to receive it.

Sophia Loren
Beauty is how you feel inside,
and it reflects in your eyes.
It is not something physical.

Slowly Learning!!

So far, this school year has been completely different than I EVER thought it would be. I didn't think that I would have to wait nearly 3 weeks to start my actual classes. I didn't think I'd be painting my room and the kitchen- I thought I'd be putting all of my efforts into school! I've been motivated to graduate a year early for a long time. And finally, this year, the opportunity arrived! So my determination and readiness to work hard was in full gear. But there is one problem.... there's nothing to work on because school hasn't started!! So I managed to keep myself busy the last two weeks but today I was really struggling. As I rolled the walls of our kitchen with fresh paint I was "wrestling" with God. "Lord, why can't I just start? Why do I have to waste these three weeks? I could have done three weeks of lessons and been that much closer to being done with high school! Did we make a mistake? Am I supposed to be somewhere else other than here? I really thought that this was the path you wanted me on... but maybe it's not. I want nothing more to be in your will. Please show me why this isn't working." Well, you get the picture. I was doubting and fearing. I was doubting whether or not this was God's plan and I was scared of failing or disappointing Him.

So anyway, I painted for awhile and stopped for lunch. While eating, I realized that this is His plan. I just didn't think it was because it wasn't how I envisioned it. Why was I worrying? This was how God had intended it to be- so that I could learn patience and trust. Our God is such a patient Father. I'm in awe of how He hasn't given up on me yet! He just keeps bringing me back into His arms and showing me His love and grace.

So while I haven't learned like I thought I would the past few weeks, God has certainly been teaching me. He has made my heart free of the concern that was there and I can rest His arms because i can trust Him! He has a plan for me. And these weeks of waiting were just a part of the story He's writing.

Fun Moments

I've had some fun moments that made me smile the past day.

Yesterday I babysat for two adorable little girls- an 18-month old and a 6 year old. I love those ages because at 18-months they're still semi-dependent on you and love to be held, but they aren't completely helpless. I LOVED the 6 year old as well. We went to the park and it was so much fun to see her explore the world, discover new things, and ask lots of questions. All in all, it was really a great day and it gave me such hope for the future. I was dreaming of walks in the parks with my kiddos someday, answering their questions, teaching them how to be polite by talking with the cute little old people walking their dogs, and showing them the great wonders our God has created for us to enjoy, even in the simple things. It kind of made me want to fast forward through the next few years but I was reminded again of how these years of high school and college are a gift. No, I might not get married for another 6 years (it seems like such a long time!) but He has things to show me in the now, before I have a family. Patience is definitely a theme that keeps arising in my life! :)

Today we went to a baby shower for one of our best family friends who's having her first baby. First of all, it was just fun to talk and laugh with the other women and girls. Secondly, I fell in love with the ADORABLE girly stuff. When we went shopping for the gift, my mom had to keep "pulling" me through the baby aisles because I kept stopping to look at all the cute clothes. My husband's going to have to take away my money when I'm pregnant because I'll blow it all on adorable things! Just kidding. I'll show restraint hopefully and I don't have to worry about that for lots of years. It is so much fun though to celebrate with these women. Children are such a gift and I'm so thankful I had the opportunity to take part in the celebrating today!

Lots of thoughts...

After quite a rollercoastery (yes, that is a word in MY personal dictionary! lol) week, I'm curled up on the couch with my laptop watching TV and breaking the "no food after 9" rule by eating cookies. Oh well... it's very relaxing!!

Despite the ups and downs of the week, it was SO COOL to see how God encouraged me and taught me. No matter what my day held, there wasn't one night that I went to bed feeling alone.

On Thursday I turned to my devotional book and it was as though the author knew that I NEEDED that lesson!! The Lord totally spoke to me and convicted me through that and I'm thankful!! It was one of those moments where God was like, "Hello?! Who is in control? NOT you!! It is me! And I know what I'm doing. Relax, my daughter, and find your joy in me, not in your circumstances." Pretty cool.

"A joyful heart makes a cheerful face, but when the heart is sad, the spirit is broken... All the days of the afflicted are bad, but a cheerful heart has a continual feast." Proverbs 15:13,15 (NASB)

Yesterday night, my mom suggested we pick up the Beth Moore Bible Study we'd started last fall but didn't finish because of time issues. Ladies, if you've never heard Beth Moore DO IT! She is the most inspirational woman, and I have her to thank for alot of spiritual growth in my life.

Anyway, the topic "just happened" to be focused on Joshua 1:6-9.

"Be strong and courageous, because you will lead these people to inherit the land I swore to their forefathers to give them. Be strong and very courageous. Be careful to obey all the law my servant Moses gave you; do not turn from it to the right or to the left, that you may be successful wherever you go. Do not let this Book of the Law depart from your mouth; meditate on it day and night, so that you may be careful to do everything in it. Then you will be prosperous and successful. Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go."
Joshua 1:6-9

Beth's lesson hit me in so many places. I don't feel like I can adequately verbalize everything that I want to. But I'm going to give it a shot! If you've ever heard her, you will know what I mean when I say she can preach. She is passionate about the Lord and I would probably say she loves Him more than anybody I know! This lesson she was pleading with these women to not let the enemy get them! She talked about how the devil demoralizes us. Demoralization is when the enemy watches us to see what it is we fear the most about ourselves (that we're ugly, incompetent, unloveable, etc) and he sets out to convince us that what we fear is true! Last night (friday) as I watched this video and talked with my mom afterwards I realized all of the lies that had crept into my heart and that I was believing. I also realized all of the fears that had taken root, and how I had lost confidence in some areas because of it. I started praying about what my greatest fear was and what God says about that! Beth also talked about how God will NEVER fail us! He may not answer our prayers in the way that we want them answered; but He will never fail us. Our responsibility is to be strong and courageous and as she says, "Our success will be holding tight to the One who has us in His grip." Praise God!! He will give us the strength to overcome the enemy's schemes.

Have a great three-day weekend! Woo-hoo!! More blogging tommorow (actually, later today... it is now 1 AM Saturday morning!)...

Blessings,
Molly :)

Thankful Thursday

I saw this "Thankful Thursday" idea on another blog and thought I'd steal it! :)

1. I'm thankful for my family. I've been blessed with loving parents and brothers. Though my brothers and I don't always get along I love them so much and can't imagine life without them.
2. I'm incredibly thankful for the friendships God has strengthened and formed this summer. I've grown so much closer to some and have forged new friendships with others! I look forward to the next year, growing with these special people that I love so much.
3. I'm thankful for the summer I've had with the Cocco kids. Thanks to them, I now know a bunch of annoying Disney songs by the Jonas brothers and Hannah Montana. I have also spent countless mornings laughing with those sweet kids. It was an awesome summer getting to babysit them.
4. I'm thankful for music. It's such a beautiful expression of God and I often take for granted the fact that I can sit down at the piano whenever I want to and play worship music.
5. I'm thankful for my church.
6. I'm thankful for the beautiful night outside. I would love to just go to a park and sit in the grass and talk. It's so nice out.
7. I'm thankful for God's faithfulness. My devotional last night was about how God keeps His promises. It was a much-needed reminder of how good God is and how faithful He is. Too often, I think that maybe God was as faithful as He could've been because He didn't make the situation work out like I thought it should. But He was faithful in His own way! And I wouldn't want it any differently! :)
8. I'm thankful that God has opened all the doors for school this coming year. We're all set up with the jr. college and with my homeschool program. It's gonna' be a good year i think.
9. I'm thankful for my car. Who knew a vehicle could be such a wonderful thing!
10. I'm thankful for the smiles of all the people who love me and encourage me. God has been so good.

What are you thankful for, my blog buddies? :)

Here I Am

Heard this song on the radio today and feel like the chorus sums up the cry of my heart right now:

Here I Am
by
Downhere

Sometimes your calling, comes in dream
Sometimes in comes in the Spirit's breeze,
You reach for the deepest part of me,
And call out for the things of eternity.

But I'm a man, of dust and stains,
You move in me, so I can say,

CHORUS:
Here I am, Lord send me,
All of my life, I make an offering,
Here I am, Lord send me,
Somehow my story, Is part of your plan,
Here I am

When setbacks and failures, and upset plans,
Test my faith and leave me with empty hands,
Are you not the closest when it's hardest to stand?
I know that you will finish what you began.
These broken parts you redeem,
Become the song, that I can sing (chorus)

Overwhelmed by the thought of my weakness,
And the fear that I'll fail you in the end,
In this mess, I'm just one of the pieces,
I can't put this together but you can.


I once read in a book that our life is like a mosaic piece of art. Each event, joy, and heartbreak are all beautiful stones that make up the mosaic's picture. Without each single stone, the picture wouldn't be what it is. Without each of those times in our lives, we wouldn't be the people we are today. I want to desire Jesus more than anything else in the world. I want my dreams and hopes to be centered on Him alone! I want to share openly with Him the things that hurt my heart and make me cry. I want to be hopeful in trials and thankful during the easy days. I want my life- all of it- to be in His hands. I'm just a piece of dirty clay, but when put in the Master's hands a beautiful creation can develop. I want to be that piece of clay, moldable and eager to learn, yet willing for my Creator to shape something completely different out of my life than what I have in mind. I long for people to look at me and see God's goodness and grace! I want every word that I speak to be encouraging and filled with Christ's love. I want my touch to be one of kindness and love, reaching out to a fellow brother or sister to encourage, comfort, or serve. I want to change the world for the better. I see too many teenagers just sitting around, wasting their lives. I DON'T WANT TO BE THAT TEENAGER!! Just as the song says, somehow my story fits into His plan!! The journey of life and the story He's writing fits right in! Your journey and story fits right in too. So as I drove home from work today and listened to that song I was humbled and encouraged. I'm humbled that He CHOSE me to be His daughter. He adopted me and I am His. I'm encouraged because I know that He has a plan. He knows what will happen next year with school... He knows what mission trip He wants me to go on next summer... He knows it all! What a relief to know that He is in control. And that my life is apart of His plan.

Love this verse! :)

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

Pure Joy

I will exalt you, O Lord,

for you lifted me out of the depths

and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

O Lord my God, I called to you for help

and you healed me.

O Lord, you brought me up from the grave;

you spared me from going down into the pit.

Sing to the Lord, you saints of his;

praise his holy name.

For his anger lasts only a moment,

but his favor lasts a lifetime;

weeping may remain for a night,

but rejoicing comes in the morning.

When I felt secure, I said,

"I will never be shaken."

O Lord, when you favored me,

you made my mountain stand firm;

but when you hid your face,

I was dismayed.

To you, O Lord, I called;

to the Lord I cried for mercy;

What gain is there in my destruction,

in my going down into the pit?

Will the dust praise you?

Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me;

O Lord, be my help."

You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Psalm 30

Exactly one year ago this week, I was in Arizona with my family visiting the Grand Canyon. I had just gotten back from Guatemala and I was DYING for my parents to adopt. I pleaded with God to please give me a little sister. I would do anything for a little sister to love and take care of. I was lonely and hurting. I remember sitting at the computer researching Guatemalan adoptions. Would my parents qualify? Could we afford it (our house was still on the market so of course not!!). How could I make this work? (I thought that it was me that would make it happen) How could God NOT lead my parents to adopt? Why should a child have to be without parents when God could lead them to our home? So I waited... and waited.... and waited for some kind of miraculous revelation to hit my parents and convince them they had to adopt a little girl from Guatemala. But it was not to be. Our family is complete with the 5 of us. Had my parents done things differently when they were younger maybe we would have a little sister. But what's done is done. It's too late to rewind and adopt. My hurting heart could not accept that one year ago. The past year has been incredible, though. The Lord has stretched me and tenderly taught me so many things. He's shown me my new identity in Him- He values me as more precious than gold or silver, He thinks I'm beautiful, He loves me no matter what. He's shown me contentment- with God I need nothing else. He's shown me hope- my future is filled with hope in Jesus Christ. Last but not least, He's shown me what true joy is.

Tonight, I walked into Shorty Small's with the Semlows to be greeted by the Gibsons, who held their precious baby girl from Ethiopia in their arms. As they passed tiny Zoie around I was in awe of how faithful our God is. When she was placed in my arms I felt nothing but JOY!! I was so happy for them, for her, and for the 4 other families with us who are waiting for their children to come home. Last year I would've had trouble handling this dinner party. I would've smiled but inside my heart would've been breaking with grief over my parent's "resistence" to adopt. But not tonight. Tonight I smiled on the inside and out. I was so happy to be able to be there with those 5 families and to hold Zoie in my arms. It was so neat to hear the moms encouraging eachother in their journeys. It was fun to dream about next year, when the group will have 7 new little ones. It was funny to think that in 15 years I could potentially be sitting amongst a group of fellow adoptive parents, waiting for my child to come home (i know, dreaming!) :) lol

He lifted me out of the depths, brought me up from the grave, and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to Him and NOT BE SILENT!! I will give thanks to Him forever for the marvelous work He has done in my life. He didn't leave me in a heap where He found me but picked me up and loved me as a Father. He didn't leave my heart hurting but He held me in His arms and healed the broken spots. He's given me hope and joy. Praise be to our God.