Stubborn

Well, I'm laying in bed with a sprained ankle. I fell on the stairs last night and thought I was fine...but when I woke up to a throbbing ankle around 6 AM this morning I decided otherwise.

All week long the Lord has so obviously been trying to teach me that I'm not in control. Each day has been frustratingly overwhelming and seemingly out-of-control. Hmm...I guess that's because it IS out of my control. But yet, every day I've tried to take it into my own hands. I've set a schedule for myself, goals for each day, a plan that should go according to the way I foresee it.

But instead, the 3 hours I allotted for my trigonometry test turned into 12 hours of test taking over the past 2 days. The work I had planned on doing during that time didn't really get done. The classes I had planned to register in for fall were closed. All of these little things that I had worked so carefully to plan out. I laugh about it now, looking back and seeing how frustrated I got.

Monday's Jesus Calling was just what I needed, but I obviously didn't take it to heart or otherwise I may have handled the bumps in the road a little bit better. Sarah Young reminded me of God's control, of His power, of the peace that I can have with every unexpected moment: "This is the day that I have made. Rejoice and be glad in it. Begin the day with open hands of faith, ready to receive all that I am pouring into this brief portion of your life. Be careful not to complain about anything, even the weather, since I am the author of your circumstances. The best way to handle unwanted situations is to thank Me for them. This act of faith frees you from resentment and frees Me to work My ways into the situations, so that good emerges from it. To find Joy in this day, you must live within the boundaries. I know what I was doing when I divided time into twenty-four hour segments. I understand human frailty, and I know that you can bear the weight of only one day at a time. Do not worry about tomorrow or get stuck in the past. There is abundant Life in my Presence today."

I was too stubborn to change my perspective, to stuck in the stress of the moment, the endless list of tasks at hand. But, as I laid awake at 5:55 in the morning, unable to get the 8 hours of sleep I had planned, unable to go on the jog I had planned, unable to help set up for the worship service tonight, I finally let my wall down. "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24 Nope, this week didn't go as I had planned, yesterday did not go as I had planned, and this day will not go as I had planned. But you know what? That's ok.

I can let my earthly plans go. I can let my expectations and standards fall to the ground. Because I have a God who is bigger than the 24-hour day. I have a God who knows the hurts of the past, every detail of my present, and each moment of my future. His faithfulness and provision will continue each and every day. All I need to do is offer my life with arms wide open, ready to live each second on the grace and strength of Jesus Christ. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

So I go into my day, ready for whatever the Lord has for me. And who knows, it could be fun to learn how to walk on crutches.

Things to ponder:

1. Am I living each day with open hands, giving Him my to-do lists, my expectations?

2. What parts of my life am I unwilling to release control of?

3. Am I praying that His purposes might be my main desire and goal of each day? Abandoning my own desires for the Kingdom?

Jesus, i give you this day, this hour, this second. I pray that my eyes would be open wide, unwilling to miss any opportunity you may have for me to be your hands and feet. Would you break my heart of stubbornness and selfishness that my heart would be fixed on You and Your kingdom. Thank you for your grace that covers all the moments in which I have failed at this. Thank you for second chances and new attitudes. I love you. Amen.

My cup overflows

As I thought about my week, the only thing that could accurately describe it was, "my cup overflows." I have seen an outpouring of the Spirit on my life the past 6 months unlike anything I've ever experienced. This past week was no different. The funny thing about this week was that it was really really hard. There were a lot of tears, a lot of searching around in my heart, a lot of discussion with God about hard things. But yet looking back on growth the Lord brought, I see His provision and blessing time and time again. It was such a cool thing yesterday to call my mom and tell her all that God has been teaching me this week, and then to rejoice together and praise the Lord! The Lord turns our mourning into dancing, and as He stretches parts of my heart, I see Him coming right back and soothing it with love. It's beautiful.

"You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life,

and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever."

Psalm 23:4-5

I also started on a sugar-free diet again to see if that will help my weird blood-sugar issues. I'm allowing myself one piece of chocolate a day and then some pretzels/animal crackers :) The amazing thing is, that I've only been doing it for a few days and I've felt better than I have in a month. Though I'm taking things away that I love (aka ice cream), I have still been able to see the "overflowing cup" in my life. I have people who will support me in this, a grocery store full of sugar-free foods to explore. The last time I did sugar-free I didn't have a great attitude. But I'm really striving to change that this time around. I have nothing to complain about. Nothing. Finding joy in this will be a daily battle, but I'm excited to pick up the sword of Truth and fight. :)

I know that it won't be long before I reach a point where it's hard to see the overflowing of the Lord. But He has promised to lavish goodness, mercy, and love on us all the days of our lives and I believe His words are true.

Some things to ponder:

1. Am I seeing the overflow of goodness and mercy from the Lord in my life or am I focusing on the things that are not going my way?

2. Make a list of things that are "overflowing from your cup." Could be material blessings, relationships, or spiritual growth.

3. Are there certain areas of my life I refuse to find joy in? I often find myself being too stubborn to let go of what I had planned for a situation. This keeps us from praising the Lord for His sovereignty and provision, and steals the joy we could find even in disappointment or trial.

4. PRAY! Make notecards and hang them everywhere. Tell someone else and have them keep you accountable for your attitude and thoughts.

Have a blessed weekend!

Molly

Just because....

Just because these pictures are too cute not to share.

My roommate (who also happens to be my wonderful friend) :) and I planned a double date for us and our boyfriends. So much fun.

We got dressed up, made dinner for them, took pictures, played games, and went star-gazing.

The sky was so full of stars that I literally laid on the ground in silence, just staring up at them. Never had I seen the night sky glisten so brightly.

I was completely overwhelmed as I praised the Lord for His greatness, His goodness to me, these precious friends I have been given.

Like father...

(notice the bow tie..and there's suspenders under his lab coat...)

Like Spencer...
They always say that the guy you like will be just like your dad. I always wanted to find someone who had the humor, personality, and character qualities as my dad. My dad also exhibits an occasional (or frequent) nerdiness that includes but is not limited to: duct-taped shoes, super-glued glasses, bow ties, and suspenders. When Spencer showed up to our double-date last weekend in big Harry Potter glasses and a bow tie, I knew that I'd gotten lucky enough to have a little bit of every part of my dad that I love in the guy that I'm dating. My dad's nerdiness makes me smile just as much as his love for the Lord, his dedication to our family, and his ability to make people laugh. Like father like Spencer?? I'm happy with that- bow ties and all :)

Glory

So I wrote my previous post a little bit earlier this evening after praying and seeking the Lord for encouragement and strength. I was in a funk, with a bad attitude, and was so frustrated at my inability to find joy in this trial.

Not even 3 hours later, I was sitting in our Wednesday night worship service and it was like a veil was taken from my eyes. The lyrics, "May everyday, and every way I live bring GLORY to you." just hit me. My day, my week has been so selfish. I have been focusing so much on how I feel, how much it stinks to change my diet, how much I just want to go and eat a giant bowl of ice cream and not worry about feeling gross. Where is God in this? I had totally lost perspective the past couple of days. We were created to bring Him glory. Each day, each breath is for HIM, for HIS purpose. We are here to bring Him praise, to lead others to bring Him praise, to love, to serve, to learn, to grow, to build community. As I praised the Lord for who He is, what He has done for me, and what He has in store for me, my eyes switched to these "light and momentary troubles" to the eternal perspective of bringing the Lord glory. Praise the Lord for the grace He gives everyday as my selfish heart takes over!

Pure Joy

An excerpt from His Princess Warrior: Love Letters of Strength from Your Lord by Sheri Rose Shepherd:

"Many times I will allow trials and tribulations in your life to draw you closer to Me and prepare you for battle. Just as I was with Daniel in the lions' den, I am with you in every trial. You are being prepared for greatness, My beloved. I prepared My king David while he was running for his life and hiding in caves. I blinded My apostle Paul until he was ready to see Me as his source of sight. Your trials will lead you to an abundant life of effective and everlasting ministry if you will allow Me to carve in your character a true reflection of Me while you are in the fire where your faith is being tested.

Love,

Your King who suffers with you"

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, ³for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. ⁴And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." James 1:2-4

Jesus, I Come

1. Out of my bondage, sorrow and night,
   Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
   Into Thy freedom, gladness, and light,
   Jesus, I come to Thee;
   Out of my sickness, into Thy health,
   Out of my want and into Thy wealth,
   Out of my sin and into Thyself,
   Jesus, I come to Thee.
2. Out of my shameful failure and loss,
   Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
   Into the glorious gain of Thy cross,
   Jesus, I come to Thee;
   Out of earth’s sorrows, into Thy balm,
   Out of life’s storms and into Thy calm,
   Out of distress to jubilant psalm,
   Jesus, I come to Thee.
3. Out of unrest and arrogant pride,
   Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
   Into Thy blessed will to abide,
   Jesus, I come to Thee;
   Out of myself to dwell in Thy love,
   Out of despair, into raptures above,
   Upward for aye on wings like a dove,
   Jesus, I come to Thee.
4. Out of the fear and dread of the tomb,
   Jesus, I come, Jesus, I come;
   Into the joy and light of Thy home,
   Jesus, I come to Thee;
   Out of the depths of ruin untold,
   Into the peace of Thy sheltering fold,
   Ever Thy glorious face to behold,
   Jesus, I come to Thee.
5. These words met me where I was at today. To come to Jesus with brokenness, tears, and pain and be met by love and grace is a humbling and beautiful thing. Jesus, I come to Thee.