I wrote in my journal on the first day of class, "Father I rest. I rest in Your plans that are faithful and sure. I give this semester to You, for Your glory. Break me and teach me. I refuse to let the Enemy fill my heart with lies of discouragement. But instead I begin this semester with confidence, knowing that You have called me here as a Spanish student. And though it breaks me even more, I want to try to learn. Not to save Claudia, not to save the orphans, and not to prove to myself that I have a purpose, but because You called me to it."
So I sit here in my room with a textbook in one hand and a journal in the other. One providing me with everything I need to succeed in this class- and therefore continue to follow the path the Lord has me on. The other proclaiming truth that though my heart feels so conflicted right now, the Lord has a plan.
I'll leave you with a poem I wrote this week, as I turn back to that textbook!
Conflicted
Torn between the then
and now.
Want to serve but I
don’t know how.
Studying for hundreds
of hours on end,
What about the little
girl in need of a friend?
Torn between roles of a student
and soon-to-be-wife,
Wanting to fulfill
God’s plan for my life.
Longing to bring His
children home,
Knowing the truth but
my heart still groans.
How do papers and
projects fulfill a Kingdom mentality,
When there’s orphans,
the widows, the lost, and the starving.
I know He’s called me
to Truman as a student for the present.
My heart’s crying for
more, as I stand in obedience.
For a year and a half,
I’ll attend all my classes.
I’ll write lots of
papers, and make lots of messes.
I”ll learn Spanish for
His glory, that His name be made known.
That by my present and
future, His glory be shown.
1/9/12
