Saturday, July 25, 2009

The Word

Our world is FULL of instruction books. A manual comes with every little thing we purchase. Our bookstores are stuffed with books on every aspect of life, how to live, and how to fix problems. Don't get me wrong- there are many wonderful Christian instructional books out there. I have learned MUCH from these authors and the wisdom they have chosen to share through their writing. Sometimes, though, it's easy to get lost in these. Our hearts desire easy instructions, a plan of action for every situation. As I thought about future plans for college and began to panic about how I will ever know which way to go, I wanted to find a book about discerning God's will. When I was struggling with relationships this week, I wanted to find a book that would tell me how to handle it, how to fix hurting hearts. A couple of times this week I just wanted someone to tell me why life is so hard. But the truth of the matter is, life is full of bumps in the road. Life is full of tears and full of fears. There will be moments of panic, of doubt. But through it all, there IS a book sitting right by my bed that holds answers. I memorize passages from it, I soak up the words as I read it. Why don't I turn to it more often in times of confusion??? The very words breathed from the omnicient God are at my very fingertips yet I looks for other ways to find peace, security, and rest!!!

Tonight as I read through the beautiful Psalms, I realized I don't need to look farther than this. Does God say in these chapters: "Molly- do this. do that. You need to work on this aspect of your life." Nope, he doesn't do that. But He does give precious, invaluable words of wisdom in the pages of the Bible. I'm thankful for this reminder tonight. I'm thankful for the hope and rest that I found as I read the beautiful words. There is no need to go to bed with an anxious spirit, but I am free to sleep with a quiet heart, knowing that although parts of my life are spinning, the Rock is steadfast beneath my feet.

"For the word of God is living active, sharper than any two-edged sword."
Hebrews 4:12

Friday, July 24, 2009

Two Girls

This next poem was written shortly after my parents began pursuing this adoption/foster care journey. I still feel that somewhere out there, I have a sister. I have felt this since I was a little girl. Perhaps she will only live with us for awhile. Perhaps it is Claudia, who may never be released from Guatemala. Perhaps the Lord has some sweetheart somewhere else, who hasn't been revealed to our family yet.

2 Girls

Child, Orphan, and very best friend
Faithful and loving to the end

Sitting alone, tired and scared
Silently asking if anyone cares

Daughter, sister, and very best friend
Faithful and loving the end

Sitting culed up, praying with passion
For that girl who's alone, needy for attention.

Two different girls in this big, big world
Two different girls waiting for God's plan to unfold.

One with a burden, one who is hurting.
One with a family, one who is waiting.

Will God bring them together, only time will tell.
Will move the mountains and heal the little girl's heart as well?

They'll hold onto their dreams as they whisper their pleas.
They have hope to be united, of being a family.

Daughters, sisters, and very best friends,
2 girls faithful and loving to the end.

The Day I Let Go

I had a huge burst of inspiration from the Spirit the other night and I wrote a couple of poems. This one is the very first and only poem so far written about Claudia since my last trip. I have tried so many times to write about my experience leaving her, letting her go. But I hadn't been able to until 2 nights ago. So here it is..... a window to my heart. I think of her all the time and lift up prayers to the Father on her behalf.

The Day I Let Go

One of the hardest days I'll ever know
Is the day I had to let you go

I cried and cried and cried some more
I'd never known such sorrow before.

My heart was breaking, my spirit pleading
For the mercy of God to spill over and save.

My mind relives those last moments with you
I could see in your eyes that somehow you knew.

As I read in the Psalms I see promises of hope.
I cry out to God, wonder how I will cope

If you never come home, if you stay there forever.
If your giggle, your smile are tied with a tether

To the mounds of paperwork, the decision of a judge
The laws of a government that is holding a grudge.

I long to hold your hands again,
To whisper in your ear that this isn't the end.

To tell you once more how you've captured my heart
To tell you how I fell in love from the start.

Forever and always you'll be the beginning of my passion
Forever and always my beautiful inspiration.

There's a hole in my heart that's just waiting for you,
How I pray that it will be filled one day soon.

Sunday, July 12, 2009

Kisses from Heaven..

An email from Eagle's Nest was in my inbox today. I always grit my teeth and pray before opening these emails. I'm always so afraid that they will hold the dreaded news that my sweet girl has been transferred. Today though, it was just an update on Claudia with some precious pictures.

I have never gone a day without thinking of this child, of this country, of this orphanage. Something inside of me has fallen in love with it all. Sometimes I just ache thinking about the children I held in my arms just one month ago. I was kissing sweet Claudia's cheeks just 30 days ago.
So opening this email was bittersweet. My heart rejoiced at the fact that Claudia has not been transferred. She is still at this orphanage with her friends, her mamas, and Christian values. And of course my heart melted seeing her precious face in these new pictures. The other half of me just wanted to sit and cry though. I miss Guatemala so much. I miss speaking Spanish so much. I miss the precious people so much. I miss Claudia oh so much. But I'm reminded again that this is where God has me. He has me here for such a time as this, and Lord willing, He will take me back there someday.
So as I gaze at the face of my sweet Guatemala girl and long for her little hands in mine, praying that the Lord would be gracious to her and reverse the decisions that have been made in her case. I praise God that His promises are good, trustworthy, and steadfast. With that in mind, I cling to His word and trust in His sovereign plan. "

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."
Jeremiah 29:11-13