This past week the Lord has been showing me the selfish bubble I'm in. I am selfish. Self-centered and self-seeking. When I'm hungry, I want to eat. When I'm tired, I want to sleep. I have a plan to graduate and I want the people in charge to make my schedule work for ME and MY preferences. When I'm having a bad day, I want people to listen to ME. How does life become so self-absorbed?!
But there have been stop-me-in-my-tracks moments where God puts something in front of me and says, "Daughter. Stop for a second and ponder this. I have given you this LIFE! I have given you this SALVATION! I have given you this HOPE! I have pulled you out of the pit and into a place where you've discovered friendship, laughter, joy, and peace. Look to my face. I am going to point you where my heart is at.... to where I want yours to be also. For this is my call to you."
And so this week I have stopped. And I have pondered. And I wanted to share some of these moments with you, that we might come together in the name of our precious Jesus and bring hope to those who have none.
Our school offers a trip to East Africa and last week they held a chapel on it. I listened to testimonies of people who had gone. One guy touched my heart in particular. He spoke of the broken relationship he had with his father. When he went to Africa and worked with the orphans, he met a little boy who was "his" all week long. I cried as I remembered all the sweet moments I shared with Claudia. I remembered there is life outside these campus walls. My love for that little girl welled up anew in my heart and I wanted to jump on a plane right then.
The entire freshman class is reading the book Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson (an excellent book, by the way). During a lecture hall for that class 2 students from my college spoke about their time in Zambia working at an orphanage. My eyes stayed glued on every picture they showed as I listened to them talk. I was reminded. There is life outside these campus walls. I have seen it myself. Held the children myself. Seen the brokenness.
Last night was the first meeting for a small group Bible study- a gift from God. I truly believe each student that was there has been hand-picked by God to be apart of this group that is striving to live radically on this campus. To live like Jesus. It was an entire hour to stop and focus on living the Christian life. What does it look like? How can we make a difference right here where we are... and around the world? As we prayed, one girl was acknowledging her conviction of selfishness. my heart could not have agreed more. I take MY plans and make them priority over God's. I go to Him, asking that He make a trial easier, a burden less painful. That He fix things in my life to make it "better." "Better" according to who?! Me?! I want HIS version of "better." And if a trial is what will make me more into the woman He wants me to be, then I will take it. My heart is aching like it never has before to become the person He wants me to be, and fulfill the call that He has on my life. This is a new season in so many ways, and He's teaching me to stop and listen.
Today, I read Anna's blog post today about her precious sponsor child from Haiti. He died. An innocent, beloved, beautiful 7 year old. He was a sick little boy. But his smile? It showed no signs of his fragile body- it was happy. I stopped when I read it and asked myself why? WHY WHY WHY Lord?! But I know that it is children like these that He is preparing THIS generation to go out and serve. I just know it. I have met people here who are passionate and I am watching their every move because I want to learn. I want to learn how to live radically. I want to learn how to live "not of this world but in it."
And so this thought brings me to the end of my pondering for this post. I'm afraid if I don't write this out, that I will never change. I need to be pushed. If the Lord is showing me this things, and if I KNOW there is brokenness and need out in the world, why am I waiting to change? I am EXCITED to see what our faithful God has done. I am THANKFUL to be in a place with people who are encouraging and challenging me. I pray that they continue to do so. Because God has BIG plans. Whether we go and rescue orphans or just live a life of Godly love here on campus His purpose will be done!
"Look at the nations and watch- and be utterly amazed. For I am going to do something in your day that you would not believe, even if you were told." Habakkuk 1:5
"We must go, live to feed the hungry, stand besides the broken, we must go. Stepping forward, keep us from just singing, move us into action. We must go." Tim Hughes (video of his song below)
"Sometimes I would like to ask God why He allows famine and poverty. But I'm afraid He might ask me the same thing."
"Do not love the world or anything in the world. If anyone loves the world, the love of God is not in him. For everything in the world- the cravings of sinful man, the lust of his eyes and the boasting of what he has and does- comes not from the father but from the world. The world and its desires pass away, but the man who does the will of God lives forever." 1 John 2:15-17