Everything we need

In this life, we are faced with feelings of incompetency daily. We're not strong enough, smart enough, talented, or gifted for the task at hand. But you know what? That's ok.

One of my favorite quotes is from John Piper:

"God does not call the qualified, He qualifies the called."

We have no need to despair because He knows better than anyone that we don't have what it takes to do this life. Without Him, that is! Our lack of wisdom, strength, or talent gives Him an opportunity to give us what we need. He can qualify us for the call- and this brings Him glory.

"And I am sure of this, that He who began a good work in you will bring it forth to completion at the day of Christ Jesus." Philippians 1:6

He has a plan and a purpose, and He has promised to bring it forth to completion. When we mess up, He will cover us with His grace. What we are lacking, He will give.

We have everything we need for today, tomorrow, and a lifetime of heeding the call of the Kingdom.

Trust Completely

I have been really struggling with trust the past couple of weeks. I have come to realize that trust is one of the major themes of the Christian life. You never stop having to trust God, and it seems as though the things He asks you to trust Him with get bigger and bigger. The thing that the Lord has deeply convicted me about this weekend is how I trust. There are 2 aspects of trusting the Lord. One is first trusting with the knowledge that He is trustworthy. In your mind and heart, you know that He is sovereign and worthy of trust. But there is also a second part. This is the action of trusting. This means that when you lay your life down at His feet in an act of surrender, you allow His peace, joy, and hope to fill you. This is not to say that Christians do not feel fear, insecurity, and doubt. In this world, we are not capable of trusting the Lord perfectly. That perfect trust was found only in Eden, and will be found again in Heaven. But the hope and joy of the Lord should reign in the heart of a Christian who trusts. Because if you truly believe God, if you truly trust His promises, then there is no reason why you should go around with a heart full of insecurity, fear, doubt, and anxiety. The presence of these things is a direct result of disbelief, of not trusting God.

That was me this week. I said I believed Him, but my countenance, my attitude, and my behavior did not reflect it. I was discouraged and negative. I was not reflecting a peaceful attitude of trust, of rest in the Savior. I was holding tight to everything I told God I trusted Him with. It was like in some way, I liked carrying around those burdens, because it meant that i had some control over my life. But as the Lord showed me this weekend, I cannot fully trust Him while holding the reins. It doesn't work like that. When I say I trust God, I have to DO it. I have to hand over my life, my heart, my future and trust the Lord's sovereign plan!

"For You, O Lord, are my hope, my trust, O Lord, since youth. " Psalm 71:5

"O taste and see that the Lord is good! Blessed is the man who takes refuge in him!" Psalm 34:8

"Let the righteous one rejoice in the Lord and take refuge in him! Let all the upright in heart exult! Psalm 64:10

"But I have trusted in your steadfast love; my heart shall rejoice in your salvation." Psalm 13:5

Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave or forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

Through putting our trust in Him completely, we are blessed, filled with joy, overcome with hope. We cannot, and should not, live our lives in fear and anxiety. It is not glorifying to the Lord, and it does not show others that He is a God to be trusted- in all things.

This poem came from some journaling this weekend. I was writing and asking the Lord to teach me how to trust more fully. I was really hoping He would show me something practical. You know, like go read this Scripture, or go read this book. But instead, I got this picture in my head of God sitting next to me. He takes my face in His hands, looks me in the eyes, and says simply, "Trust me, Daughter."

Trust me.

My hands hold tight the doubt and fear, the worries of my day

They push away the joy and peace, destructive in every way.

They tell me keep trying, their whispers enticing as they leadeth me astray

As I sink to the bottom I know my heart's gotten tricked by the nasty prey

Jesus knelt in the Garden, a night of surrender, in anguish his sweat thick with blood

Father if you are willing, please take this cup from me; yet not my will but your will be done.

He faced fear unimaginable, pain without measure, yet He trusted the plan of the One

Whose power and glory shape each of our stories, in this race in which we run.

I long to open my hands in surrender, to quiet my heart in His truth

To trust my God, my tender Love, the Father of me and of you.

I look for a book to help me, a "how-to-trust" hint, tip, or two

But when he looks in my eyes, He says TRUST. You are mine. Trust, and let hope rise anew.

6/25/11

Visuals

I'm a visual girl. I wonder sometimes if half my brain isn't on lists, post-its notes, and planners. I like to see things in front of me, cross it off, and see organization and progress! So my study break today ended up being a little art project with old papers, scissors, and a stapler :)

Do you know what it is??

It's a countdown!!

17 little links on a chain.

Mexican food, my own bed, movies, family- it's coming soon!

16 years

These 2 brothers of mine are 16 years old today. Can you believe it?! I can't.

My earliest memories of childhood are during my mom's pregnancy with the boys. She was on bed rest for a lot of it, but it gave us some sweet mommy-daughter time before 2 little baby boys rocked my world. I remember feeling very frustrated when they first came home. Everybody came to see the little babies. Which I can't blame them- it's not their fault they were so darn cute. However, regardless of the decrease in attention, I was a very proud big sister.

We played Barbies and G.I. Joes for hours. Playmobile. House. (Can you tell they had an older sister?). I bossed them around like nobody's business and earned the nickname "Mommy Molly" or "Little Mother." I'm so sorry, brothers, for ruining that part of your childhood! Nobody needs 2 moms in their life!

As we got older, they found their own friends, and I found mine. Our time together was limited, and I really did miss them. A couple summers ago, however, the Lord did a huge work in our family. And that was the summer that my brothers and I became friends. :)

When I left for school, I truly missed them so much. Occasional texts, facebook, and phone calls occur but it's just not the same. Now, they're going to climb into a car for the first time by themselves and drive down the street with license in hand- and I don't get to see it! But I couldn't be more proud of these 2 boys.

Happy birthday, Noah. You have become such a sweet, gentle, and caring young man. You've gone from being the little one in the family to leaving me as the shortest! Your mind and heart have grown right along with your height. Your motivation for school is so encouraging to see, and I promise that it will take you far. Your sharp mind and aptitude for fixing things with patience is going to be used by God. You're going to love college, and you'll find just the right place in His timing. Some lucky girl is going to fall in love with your quick heart of service and attentiveness. Thank you for making me feel loved and welcome when I'm home. Thank you for bringing so much laughter and joy to our family. Your 16th year is a special one, a year with a lot of independence and freedom. Stay close to Jesus, and let Him grow you even more into the man He wants you to be. I love you so much, lil' bro. Happy birthday!

To my dearest Caleb. I love your name, by the way. Did I ever tell you that? As I've watched you tower over me this past year, I have seen a strength develop in you. I feel so safe standing next to you, and I can only imagine what you will be for your family some day in the future. But for now, those strong muscles are working so hard. I'm so proud of you! You are doing just as the Lord called man to do- to move the soil and be productive. Work can be done in joy- and you have allowed God to tune your heart to that attitude. Your sensitive spirit has always been such an incredible aspect of who you are. Continue to be sensitive, Caleb. Be sensitive to the Spirit, keep your heart so soft towards others. I cannot wait to see what the Lord has for your future, brother. He has GREAT plans for you. It will be such a delight to gather together in the future (just like Dad does with Diane and Steve) and see all that the Lord is doing in each of our lives. May your 16th birthday mark the beginning of a year of growth, hope, and service as you press on after our God. I love you so much!

So from across the ocean, happy birthday to the twins who make our family complete :) Cumpleanos feliz!

On Spain and the like...Parenthood!

One of my favorite aspects of culture so far has been watching the way that Spaniards parent. Just like any of these posts, I'm merely an observer, so take my opinions with a grain of salt.

1. Parenting is a family affair here in Spain. The grandparents are extremely involved, and I see as many grandparents pushing strollers as I do parents. Many of my group's host moms watch their grandchildren on a daily basis while the parents work. It's a sweet circle of family connection, and I love that the kids are not going to daycare as often.

2. In general, parenting seems a very equal role in the home. Every morning, I watch the dads walk their children to school. It is also not at all unusual to see dads out pushing babies in strollers. I feel like this especially is not seen in the U.S. I always get a sarcastic attitude from American moms that, "Oh my husband just can't do the diaper thing. Or he just can't handle it when she cries. Yada yada yada." Personally, I have so much respect for dads here who have an active role with their kiddos. Definitely something from this culture that I would love to instill into my future family :)

3. I have seen only 4 families that have more than 3 kids. 2 is very typical, and of course there's the typical twins. I can definitely say that I like the South American big family perspective better :)

4. Spaniards are very concerned about their outward appearance. Americans are too, I'll be the first to admit it. But the level of formality here is so much higher than in the United States. So being a mom in Spain has a whole load of "qualities." First, you have to have a really nice stroller. Like super nice. They have fancy wheels, storage compartments, umbrellas, and all of this padding and fabric. After watching thousands of strollers the past month, I have come to the conclusion that this is not for convenience but for appearance. Because every mom pushing these fancy strollers is stick-skinny, wearing platform shoes, trendy clothes, gorgeous hair, and perfect make-up. Being a mom means alot more than having a baby. It means keeping up to the stereotype here. No "mom jeans" allowed EVER!

5. The last, and possibly most fascinating thing that I've yet to see one mom nursing. I also have yet to see one baby sling or carrier. The baby is ALWAYS in the stroller, never in the mother's arms, even in a restaurant. In public, it seems to be a very distant parenting style, and the complete opposite of the newer "bonding" parenting methods that are popular in the United States right now.

After a month here, I can safely say that I have fallen in love with Spanish families. Despite the rather distant parenting style or the "chick-mom-look," I have witnessed sooo many precious moments between these kids and their parents. Love is love is love- no matter what country you're in. Whether you have a $500 stroller in Spain, a comfy wrap-around sling in the US, or a simple piece of fabric in Guatemala, these mamas love their children.

While I'll definitely take back some aspects of the family culture, I like to keep my dream of lots of little ones from different countries, wearing my yoga pants and adoption t-shirts :)

Suit of Armor

We saw these suits of armor in El Alcazar in Segovia a couple of weekends ago. For some reason, this image of a real coat of armor was extremely profound to me, and it was much more than just a historical artifact. I attribute this to 2 things. First, being here in Spain by myself really raised my awareness of my own vulnerability, specifically as a woman. The guys could walk all over Spain and never have to worry about getting back to their apartment safely. They can go out to a discoteca with friends and never have to worry about a twisted man going after them. They can walk through the streets without guys whistling at them, or saying "Guapa chica!" as though they were an object to look at and covet. This vulnerability was really scary to me, especially when we were traveling in so many different places. Now that we're "at home" in Salamanca, it's a bit less scary, but there are still moments I wish that I could crawl into this armor and hide from all of the "bad guys" (literally...and figuratively).

This morning, I was really battling frustration and discouragement. I was thinking about how I just wanted to go somewhere away from all of the school drama, away from the exhaustion of this program- and the Lord brought this suit of armor to mind, and used it to show me a really beautiful picture. My fearful, faithless self wants to hide from the world. I want to use the armor to hide from the evil that I see, to shield my eyes from the orphans down the street, to block out the noise of hurting people, to forget about everything. But that is NOT what the Lord has for me, and it is not what He has for any believer. Instead, He has called us to PUT ON this armor and FIGHT.

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in the strength of his might. Put on the whole armor of God, that you may be able to stand against the schemes of the devil. For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the cosmic powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places.Therefore take up the whole armor of God, that you may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand firm. Stand therefore, having fastened on the belt of truth, and having put on the breastplate of righteousness, and, as shoes for your feet, having put on the readiness given by the gospel of peace. In all circumstances take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming darts of the evil one; and take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God, praying at all times in the Spirit, with all prayer and supplication. To that end keep alert with all perseverance, making supplication for all the saints, Ephesians 6:10-18

We are in a battle. I can really feel the battle right now where I'm at and it's hard. But He has not called us to hide in our armor. He has called us to stand firm, pray, keep alert.

The second part of the word picture the Lord gave me today was the image of a knight in shining armor coming to save us. That knight is Jesus. He is the perfect Warrior, and He has already been victorious over all. So when we are tired of the fight, when we are bruised and wounded, when we want to give up, we are promised that our fight is not in vain. For not a moment too late, Jesus is going to come again to fight for us. And when that time comes, we will be given the beautiful gift of perfect eternal rest in His arms. Is that not encouraging? Can I hear an amen? I know that I'm preaching to myself here in the middle of Spain, giving myself a "pep talk." But I know that I am not alone in this army, and I know that I am not the only one feeling weary. So dear brothers and sisters, stand firm with me. Take up your cross, whatever it is, and move forward one step at a time. In Christ Jesus, through His grace, and through His strength alone, may we be victorious. Amen.

Here's a poem I wrote after recieiving that encouragement from the Lord this morning:

Suit of Armor

I want to climb in that suit of armor,

It offers me safety, shelter, peace

I want to get away from this evil world

That threatens to crush a part of me

But we cannot hide from what’s broken

For on the cross Christ set us free

That I may live my life in total surrender,

Knowing He has a plan for me.

So I lift up my eyes to the heavens,

For His face alone will I seek.

As I give of myself to others,

Who have not this hope and this peace.

I await the Knight in shining armor,

To gather us close to His breast.

Where we’ll cease our striving and trying,

And be ushered into eternal rest.

6/21/11

It's safe to jump

"Your daddy is standing in a swimming pool out a little bit from the edge. You are, let’s say, three years old and standing on the edge of the pool. Daddy holds out his arms to you and says, “Jump, I’ll catch you. I promise.” Now, how do you make your daddy look good at that moment? Answer: trust him and jump. Have faith in him and jump. That makes him look strong and wise and loving. But if you won’t jump, if you shake your head and run away from the edge, you make your daddy look bad. It looks like you are saying, “he can’t catch me” or “he won’t catch me” or “it’s not a good idea to do what he tells me to do.” And all three of those make your dad look bad.

But you don’t want to make God look bad. So you trust him. Then you make him look good–which he really is. And that is what we mean when we say, “Faith glorifies God” or “Faith gives God glory.” It makes him look as good as he really is. So trusting God is really important.

And the harder it seems for him to fulfill his promise, the better he looks when you trust him. Suppose that you are at the deep end of a pool by the diving board. You are four years old and can’t swim, and your daddy is at the other end of the pool. Suddenly a big, mean dog crawls under the fence and shows his teeth and growls at you and starts coming toward you to bite you. You crawl up on the diving board and walk toward the end to get away from him. The dog puts his front paws up on the diving board. Just then, your daddy sees what’s happening and calls out, “Johnny, jump in the water. I’ll get you.”

Now, you have never jumped from one meter high and you can’t swim and your daddy is not underneath you and this water is way over your head. How do you make your daddy look good in that moment? You jump. And almost as soon as you hit the water, you feel his hands under your arms and he treads water holding you safely while someone chases the dog away. Then he takes you to the side of the pool.

We give glory to God when we trust him to do what he has promised to do–especially when all human possibilities are exhausted. Faith glorifies God. That is why God planned for faith to be the way we are justified."
— John Piper

I read this on Shonni's blog today, and while she intended it for Father's Day, it really hit my heart.

I feel like right now I'm doing a lot of treading water. As I start to lose faith, I feel myself start to sink. It is then that through prayer, the Word, or other's encouragement that I remember those strong arms holding me up.

Faith glorifies God. Through our struggling, through our forgetfulness in His promises, our faith brings glory to the One who saves us.

Whether you're contemplating the jump, treading water, or getting out from the other side, keep in mind His promises. He will never leave you or forsake you, and He is faithful to deliver.