Full of unexpected twists and turns. Full of miracles and surprises. Love. Joy. Lessons. Challenges. Disappointments. Sorrow. But at any time during any of these things you can always find one thing. Hope.
As I look to the Savior and think of the cross I am blown away everytime. Everytime, my eyes are lifted from the challenges here to gaze at the wonderous sight of Grace. Hanging on a cross for me. Giving me freedom, and promise of Eternity with the Father. Hope.
I have seen the Lord bring about miraculous changes in my relationship with my brothers, and their relationship with eachother. We enjoy just hanging out together now. We laugh and joke. We drive to the gas station together to get polar pops. We can vent to one another about life and show sensitivity. We talk about next year when they will come to visit me at college and when I'll come home. We still argue, shoot unkind comments at eachother and lose our patience but our relationship has been restored by the Redeemer and I can't wait to see the precious friendship with these guys blossom even more. Hope.
This journey of life has brought me through 2 years of college searching. We thought I was graduating early but it didn't work out so this is the 2nd winter I've done college visits. I have seen the Lord grow in me a love for a college, and this week I found out the finances are just not going to work. And now it's time for Him to lead me elsewhere. My heart is aching this week as I plod forward and try to move past the dreams that I had for next year. He knows very well the plans He has for me. I know and rest and trust in that. I have prayed that I would fall more in love with Jesus, more in love than ever before. I want my Jesus to be my First Love. And I want that love to go above my desires, my comfort, my security in the future I had envisioned and find in Him my rest and assurance. So with that, "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead," Philippians 3:13b I look to Christ and trust that He knows what He's doing. I am trusting that He has a school for me, scholarships, a great campus ministry, and friends. Hope.
I have seen God MOVE MOUNTAINS in my "heart country." Guatemala is reopening adoptions!!! PRAISE JESUS THE KING! I am so excited about this. Immediately after reading about it my heart stopped.....what does this mean for my Claudia girl? (Even if her case isn't reassessed, this is still a miracle for the other thousands of orphans in Guatemala.) The answer is i don't know. We don't know if this could get her case reopened. We don't know if this could be the "window" for our family to jump through to make her ours. We just don't know. At first, I had a bitter attitude, I'll admit. Why won't God make this rollercoaster stop?! And the same week that I find out I have to make up a new college plan?! Today was the first day that it sunk in and I have wept several times today over the enormity of how amazing it is. This could be the answer to our prayers. Years of prayers that this sweet girl could be my sister. It could totally fall through and my heart could shatter again. But you know what? THIS is my passion. THIS is the call that God has given me- to care for and love these children in Guatemala. So I'm going to RUN after it. I am cautiously anticipating seeing what the Lord does! The thought of Claudia being adopted. What greater word could describe it? Hope.
This life is a long, hard journey. But it is not without hope. Even in the darkest hour we are not alone, and not without hope. Our God is a faithful God and He has shown me that so many times despite the challenging season of life. We have been given grace, mercy, compassion, and a future. Hope in abundance.
Holy Fire burn away,
my desire for anything
that is not of you and is of me.
I want more of you and less of me.
Fill, won't you fill me,
with you, with you.