The Big Picture

Have you ever stepped out from a cold building into the radiant, hot sun and felt it warm your body to the bone? That is how I felt today as the Lord's goodness washed over me in waves.

I have been so discouraged and frustrated recently with Spanish, and in my pursuit of purpose, was tempted multiple times to give up on the whole thing. I had signed up several weeks ago to go to a nearby town and translate for their parent-teacher conferences at the elementary school. The town is extremely small, and most of the employment comes from the large factory. The school population has gone from 2% Hispanic to almost 44% in the past 10 years. They have new students coming in monthly who neither read or write, and who speak no English.

I was both excited and scared at the prospect of this opportunity to go and translate. My prayer the past few days was that the Lord would make it an encouraging, motivating experience and that I would be reminded of why I chose Spanish in the first place. As I drove there I just had this feeling of anticipation in my heart. I could sense the Spirit was with me and I was excited to see what He would do.

When I got there I found out that I was the only student coming until later on that afternoon. So....I was the only translator there! At first I was regretting coming early but later on when the rest of my group got there most of them weren't able to translate at all because the conferences were over and there were too many of them. The Lord had saved the afternoon for me to be refreshed and encouraged.

I spent the afternoon explaining report cards, projects, and progress to Hispanic parents. There were many who probably got more out of their limited knowledge of English than they ever would my broken Spanish. But there were some who stared at the teachers with blank stares until I translated what was being said. Their beaming faces when being told that their child was excelling, reading, and speaking in English was priceless. The Lord was using me as a bridge to bring news of hope to them.

I got to speak with many teachers and ESL workers as well about bilingual education and the situation in this particular town. It was fascinating, challenging, and saddening as well. Definitely gave me some other options for potential jobs someday.

One particular family was so friendly. The dad spoke absolutely no English. His 2 kids did all the translating for him, but he was so delighted to discover that I could speak to him. He told me over and over again how I would know spanish "muy pronto" (very soon). He was not phased at all by my atrocious grammar or vocabulary but just desired to talk and tell me his story. This is my one of my favorite parts about knowing Spanish. Over the years the Lord has used it so many times to connect with people. I love how using words I can get to know someone, hear their story, look into their heart. It was beautiful and such an encouragement.

I don't know why....but I really just love these people. I melt at any baby or child, but seriously I don't think there's anything more precious than a little brown-skinned baby with the soft black hair...or the sweet toddlers whose hair sticks straight up (all the boys in Guatemala have the cutest sticky-uppy hair) :) A little boy came toddling into the ESL room while I was waiting for a conference and I could barely resist picking him and kissing his sweet face. He smiled SO big and waved at me and trotted right into the room. Mr. Curious.

I wrote a short poem while I was waiting for conferences to start. I sat in a room by myself and and while I was nervous to see what the afternoon would hold I was just overwhelmed by God and His faithfulness that He took me to Guatemala, brought me here and given me the opportunity to talk with these precious people yet having this excitement that this is SO NOT ABOUT ME. I just got so excited to see His kingdom come through the lives of His children. His goodness and power working through my minimal Spanish, through aspiring musicians, through nurses in training, through future businessmen. He so graciously gave me this eternal perspective that I was just blown away. Those lies of purposelessness have been battled by TRUTH.

The Big Picture

You're doing something far beyond I can see

This work and this story going far beyond me

You're turning a little girls love into something great

A tiny golden flame to a burning blaze

I don't know exactly what you want me to do

I'm not really sure when, where, or who

But your hand is so strong on me I can feel

Your presence a power, your peace is a shield.

I'm excited right now to see all that you'll do,

It's a comfort to know all I need is to trust in You.

3/17/11

So, I have no more of an idea of what I'll actually end up doing with my Spanish, if anything. But the Lord's goodness has washed over me, refreshing my heart that was tired and discouraged. Praise His name!

Got Vitamin C?

Today I sat down at the table with 3 oranges.

After several shocked looks of how much fruit I was planning to consume in one sitting, I realized that I have consumed over 200 oranges this semester.

The guy next to me at the lunch table hadn't even consumed 3 this year.

Needless to say, perhaps it's time I found another fruit! :)

Finding Purpose

God just does the coolest things. I'm so encouraged.

Anyways, finding purpose has been on my mind a lot recently. I've had many discussions with my girlfriends about it.....how do we as young women find purpose in what we're doing here and now. Americans are all about efficiency and productivity. We don't do anything if it won't make life easier, more successful, give us something, etc. We have spreadsheets and entire departments of companies that work on finding the very best way to accomplish something. They have a goal in mind and they find the best, fastest, and cheapest way to get it done.

The Lord has shown me this week that this attitude/perspective is not of Him. This efficient, productive way of life is of the world. It is an attitude of personal gain that can turn into a selfish climb up the ladder. Now am I saying that we should stop trying to get a promotion, stop budgeting our money, take our time with things, and stop doing anything that doesn't have a specific purpose? NO. But I am saying that in my own life I have allowed this worldly mindset to affect the way I look at the place God has put me. I harbor doubt and discontent in my heart.

What does trigonometry have to do with being a wife and momma to the orphan?

When will I ever need to know the International Phonetic Alphabet in order to minister to the church?

I am ashamed to admit that I even asked those questions and let the joy slip away from my heart as I wallowed in discouragement and overwhelmedness (my new word). :)

I was delighted to find so much Scripture about finding purpose:

"The Lord will fulfill His purpose in me; your love, O Lord, endures forever- do not abandon the works of your hands." Psalm 138:8

"And we know that in ALL things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

To say that all of these classes have no purpose right now is not for me to say. That is the way of the world saying, "You're not accomplishing anything right now so look for a better way."

There is NO BETTER WAY than the way of the Lord!! And oh the joy and peace that filled my heart as I realized this again. If there is no other reason besides me learning to trust the Lord, then so be it. It will not be wasted.

The Lord had a purpose for His son when He sent Him to earth....to die for the sins of man. Did sending His son as a baby in a manger, born to a carpenter make a whole lot of sense? Nope. Wouldn't there have been an easier way? Probably. But God's way and purpose is good.

"According to His eternal purpose which He accomplished in Christ Jesus our Lord."

Ephesians 3:11

"But join with me in suffering for the gospel, by the power of God, who has saved us and called us to a holy life- not because of anything we have done but because of his own purpose and grace." 2 Timothy 1:8-9

That i might fully understand the beauty of His grace, the vastness of His plan, the intricacy of His purposes for every person would transform my life.

So today, I choose to embrace this day, this class, this homework, this GPA. I choose to take it with gratitude, knowing that His purpose is good.

Whatever our God ordains is right. Amen.

Heavy heart

Some friends of mine from home were in Guatemala last week loving on orphans and homeless children.

All last week, I knew that they were down there but I was without internet or cell phone service. So I prayed for them, and prayed a lot about what an orphan ministry would look like here at college.

I got back to school and read all of their blog posts. They went to visit Eagle's Nest and took pictures of Claudia for me. They also went to a government orphanage. I encourage you to read their brief post here before continuing.

I sobbed my way through that post. Even now I don't even know how to express all that is in my heart.

I paused, trying to process 1000 orphans. And then I tried contemplating 1 million orphans. Then 147 million. Our brains were never meant to envision millions of babies, children, and teens who are without homes. But this is the truth.

I never intend to guilt anyone who reads these posts into feeling pity for the orphan. My goal in writing these things is that the Lord may burden your heart for the Fatherless, that we may join together and serve.

And then there's a whole section of the orphanage with teen moms whose babes are there with them. I feel nothing but compassion and love for any mother who gives up her baby. But oh how my heart aches for a 12 year old who lives in an orphanage with her tiny baby, outcasts from their home.

As I looked at the pictures of those kids I tried to imagine what would have happened if Claudia had been transferred there like they told us she would. The Lord protected her and she is still at Eagle's Nest. That spark of life that is in her would be so quickly burnt out if she was moved somewhere like that. The Lord protected her and she is still at Eagle's Nest- PRAISE JESUS!

Our pastor preached a powerful sermon several weeks ago on suffering. He said that we are to approach all suffering in this fallen world as an opportunity for ministry. While I wish that we could just do away with suffering all together, there is so much room for service in the lives of hurting people.

Suffering, orphans, missions, Guatemala has all been heavy on my heart this week. I don't have answers, I don't have solutions. But the Lord has drawn me to my knees through it, and this is a beautiful thing.

Thank you, Guatemala girls, for going and loving on those precious ones.

Fear

I just got back from a week-long spring break trip with my campus ministry. The theme of the week was pride. It was challenging, convicting, stretching, and encouraging all at the same time.

The Lord convicted me of pride in alot of areas in my life. But one aspect in particular has stuck with me all week, and I can really feel that this is where the Lord wants me to rest at for awhile.

I broke down one night last week as the Lord showed me that I live in fear. This fear is a lack of trust in God. And this lack of trust in God is rooted in pride, because I refuse to rest in His sovereignty. I continue to believe that MY idea of life is better than His will for me.

I live in fear of abandonment....that I will do something to make the people in my life leave.

I live in fear of the future....that my comfort and security will be snatched away.

I live in fear that my health problems will never go away.....

These are all lies. Pure lies from the Enemy, and the Lord showed that to me so clearly last week. The Lord has us in the palms of His hand. Might bad things happen? Yes. Will He forsake us? No. All suffering leads to HIS glory. So who are we to fear when our sovereign God reigns?

I haven't been "miraculously cured" of fear, and in this fallen world I never will be. But it is how I react to this fear that will make all the difference.

I opened my Bible this morning to see what the Scripture had to say about fear and I wrote down the sweet words of truth.

" The Lord is my light and my salvation- whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life- of whom shall I be afraid?" Psalm 27:1

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you..." Isaiah 43:5a

"For God did not give us a spirit of timidity [fear], but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." 2 Timothy 1:7

"I sought the Lord, and He answered me; he delivered me from all my fears." Psalm 34:4

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be terrified; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you where you go." Joshua 1:9

It is not God's will for us to live in fear. However, it IS His will for us to live in freedom and truth. So as I go about my day, I am striving to preach these words of truth to myself, using HIS strength to cast out fear. Will you join me?

Ponderings...

The sun is streaming in my window, the breeze is blowing, and my heart is at rest. It's time to catch up on my blog. I have LOTS going on in my head and I'm not sure if I'll be able to get it all out but I'm going to do my best. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the next few posts :)

He's Back :)

Remember this rose??

It was given to me on September 5th, 2009.

We took a break from dating a little bit after that. But after a year of just being friends and God stretching and growing us while we were apart at different schools....Spencer's back and I'm so happy :) We're at the same school, sharing the same friends, serving together, learning together. Our friends think it's just great to tease us about dating. So much so, in fact, that they made a nickname for us lol.

So let me introduce you to Spolly or Smolly (depending on who you ask).

God has laid His hand on my life so clearly the past year. His fingerprints are over every piece, every crazy twist in the road, and every moment that the trek out of the valley and up the mountain felt so scary.

The Lord holds true to His promises. We can TRUST Him. Praise His name!

"For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart." Jeremiah 29:11-13