Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Packing away...

I've been slowly packing away clothes, books, food, everything I will need for 7 weeks in Spain. Yet having a suitcase full of things does not ease the unknown, the feeling that I can't really prepare myself for all that I will see and do there! It's an elated excitement and an anxiousness for the mystery of the summer to be unveiled. I idolize security. I thrive on the feeling that I am safe, that finances are set, that I know what [my plan] for the future holds, that I will succeed. But safety, money, the future, success are all in God's hands! They are not mine but HIS!

I could pack 10 suitcases with all of my possessions and never be truly ready for this journey of life that the Lord takes on us. It is His Word, His Spirit that will sustain us. It is His peace that will bring us security. It is under the shadow of His wings that we find protection. It is in the daily manna that we are provided for.

So as I continue to pack away a suitcase for the summer and step on a plane to explore a world so different and foreign to the one I know, I will be walking in HIS grace, HIS strength, HIS mercy, HIS love. And that will be all I'll ever need.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Mama



She's a....
Teacher.
Friend.
Shoulder to cry on.
Encourager.
Prayer Warrior.
Selfless.
Faithful to our family.
Servant heart.
Always has sugar-free treats for me :)
Silly.
Patient.
Strong.
Hard-working.
Woman of the Lord.
And I'm blessed to call her my momma :)

Thank you for loving, teaching, and caring for me these past 19 years, mommy! I'm so thankful for you!
Love, Your Little Bear :)

Beauty







I went to have my quiet time at a local park today. I needed the solitude, the beauty, the quiet.
I walked around taking pictures of the flowers first but found myself increasingly frustrated at my inability to capture the beauty! I was seeing the hands of my Maker in every petal. The warm sun on my skin, the cool breeze across my face, the bright colors that caught my eye as I walked along the path left me awe-struck. Our God is so great! His intricate works in creation, to His intricate work in our lives as He weaves it together. I feel humbled at my tiny self. I feel inadequate in my worship. No words, no pictures can completely express the wonder of our God. But that's why He is God and we are not. We are His children, and forever I will stand in awe of the beauty.

Good to be back...



At the sewing machine, that is!

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Someday...

If I ever....
...get to pile 9 kids into the car to go to church.
...have 50 dirty socks to wash on a given day.
...have 9 mouths to cook for (10 with a hubby). :)
...have 9 faces to kiss, 18 hands to hold, 9 little (or big) voices to listen to.
...sing 9 goodnight songs.
....get to hang a family picture on the wall like this one with children from my tummy, Guatemala, Ethiopia, around the world....
...I will be the most fortunate and blessed woman alive.

I will go to bed exhausted, I will stress out, I will worry about how to pay the bills. I will worry about those 9 (or however many) little lives and the 147 million more.

But I will still be so blessed.

I am so thankful that the Lord has placed families like the Blocks in my life, even if only to watch and learn from. Their simple blog posts that share honesty through the hard and scary times, through the joy and triumph. I'm learning what it means to LOVE. Love in marriage, love as a mom, love the orphan, the widow, the hurting, the poor. The Lord is shaping a vision, a dream, a hope for the future. It's easy to dwell on the future too much, but sometimes, it's okay to think of all that God could do. And I think He probably gets pretty excited when we're excited about serving Him.

So someday....if the Lord wills for me to be that mom of many, I'll post that family picture. And all the glory will be HIS, for He is the rescuer of orphans, and the Father of us all.

Monday, May 2, 2011

An adventure


I leave for Spain in 15 days.
It finally hit me today when my professor told me, "The next time I see you will be in the Madrid airport!!"
Wow.

This trip has been another huge journey of trusting the Lord. I have felt so much anxiety, stress, and fear about traveling halfway around the world for 7 weeks. Yet through my fear, the Lord has so graciously covered me in peace, and even brought an excitement and anticipation for what this summer has to bring.

I have a feeling that the next few months are going to be pretty big. I'll be studying abroad in Spain, speaking the language that the Lord has obviously placed in my life for a reason. My boyfriend will be studying abroad in China. Many of my friends here are traveling to other places as well, doing mission trips, or working at summer camps. God is putting us in faraway places. I can't help but think it is to teach us, to shape us, to make clear His call on our lives, define His vision for our future ministry.

It's exciting and scary and overwhelming. But the Lord will be holding my hand on every step of the adventure. In the loneliness, in the homesickness, in the weaknesses. In the joys, in the excitement, in the awe. He will be there. The same God we worship here at home is the same one half-way across the world. The God of Nations, the Ancient of Days. Hallelujah!

Impressions.

I have delighted in getting to know The Hendrick family in the past year since all of the disasters in Haiti. They are a missionary family that packed up their 4 kiddos and moved to Haiti last year. They work with an organization called Heartline. They minister to women, specifically pregnant mothers and moms with new babies. Their ministry ranges from prenatal care, nutrition classes, newborn care, and nursing classes. They have trained midwives and a doctor, and Heather is actually training to become a midwife there. I have LOVED getting to see this ministry grow, and see their family fall in love with Haiti amidst the trials and challenges. Ministry and missions is NEVER easy. But the Lord never said that taking up our cross would be painless. She does a great job of being real through her blogging, and finding hope through the hurt.

I started reading their blog just out of curiosity, and an interest in seeing a missionary family who has adopted and taken their family out on the mission field. However, as the months went by, I slowly grew to love these women with radiant smiles and huge bellies. My heart began to go out to the young girls who were hardly out of high school yet were already mothers. I grew to love the tiny babies with twig-like arms and legs, malnourished and sickly. My compassion grew for the women who tried so hard to give their babies LIFE, but whose children died out of their lack of knowledge in caring for them.

The hendricks posted last week about their need for a postpartum unit so Heartline can monitor the babies' health. Many mothers in Haiti bring their babies back weeks later, having fed their tiny newborns beans, rice, and 7up. These precious moms simply don't know. A day or two in a postpartum unit could be the difference between life and death for a mom or baby who needs extra attention.

The past year has brought an expansion of my vision. In some ways, the Lord has only increased my burden for the orphan and adoption. In other ways, He has opened my eyes to other needs as well. I saw this first happen when I translated for my dad at the medical clinic in Guatemala. It was while I was there that I first felt the Lord calling me to do Spanish, and using that to do medical translation and maybe nutrition classes. Then, I read about how Heather was training to become a midwife and I thought, "Hmm...well I don't think I'd ever do that. But maybe I could teach Lamaze classes." Then, last week, I had a very vivid dream after reading Heather's post "If They Could Only Stay." about the plight of many newborns in Haiti. It was one of those where I wake up and feel like the Lord wants me to pray because He has just put something on my heart. Ever since, I have just had this huge burden for these women. Not necessarily women in Haiti. Or maybe it is. I'm not really sure at this point. But my heart was so heavy and during some quiet time with the Lord this poem flowed.

I really honestly don't know what the Lord is doing. But He is definitely impressing things on my heart. New things. Maybe it is just so I can be aware. So that I can be praying for people like the Hendricks who are doing everything they can to save the next generation, and bring the love of Jesus to a country of despair. Maybe someday I'll have the chance to work with pregnant women or newborns in some sort of ministry. Or maybe...I'll be delivering babies, teaching Lamaze classes, or teaching moms how to care for their new babies. The best part is- I don't have to know. There are so many many possibilities for the next few years. But I can stand here with open hands, raised to the sky. Because my life is not my own. If the Lord's plan for my future never involves using my Spanish, never teaching a nutrition class, never do anything I just mentioned in this post then it is His will! I may have dreams and hopes for my future but the Lord widens our view of the mosaic as time passes. These things too will be made clear. Maybe someday I'll understand this burden I'm feeling for Heartline and the Hendricks and the women they serve. Maybe I won't. What a beautiful thing that I can go to bed knowing He has my tomorrow, my year, my next 10 years planned out. There is no reason to stress. His plans are for a hope and a future AMEN!

If you made it all the way through this post- you have won the dedicated blog reader award :) The poem that I wrote is below.....let the words sink into your heart as seeds fall into soil. I think that the Lord wants to grow compassion and love.

New Mother

With puffy feet, tired eyes, aching back, swollen belly

The mother-to-be works all day for little money

To buy food for herself, her unborn baby to feed

A roof for her head, maybe clean water to drink.

The time’s drawing near for the babe to arrive

But she’s doubting whether either of them will survive.

She’s already so weak but has learned not to cry

With inner courage and strength, she’s determined to try

As the labor pains come, her heart fills with fear

She cries out for help, hopes that someone will hear.

She longs to hold the strong, firm hand of a man,

Or feel the gentle encouragement of a mother, sister, friend

But instead she’s alone, as she hears the wails

Of a tiny precious baby, weak and pale

As she holds her new child tight to her breast,

For a moment there’s peace, and both are at rest.

But the babe is still hungry, and neighbors have come

Overwhelming the new mother with advice for her son.

“Feed him 7up, rice and beans, or some bread.

You must get back to work, for you both must be fed!”

As the days go by, the boy’s health changes quickly

His body so tiny, he is weak and so sickly

She hears of a place with free doctors and nurses

So she gets on a bus, reciting childhood memory verses

She arrives just in time for a class of new mothers

She learns about nursing and nutrition with others

They had never been taught how to care for an infant

They didn’t even know what to do with their health while they were pregnant.

But this knowledge brings freedom, a key to success

Their newborns can be healthy, strong at last

They will learn about the Spirit, the Father, and Son

For He gives eternal life to all who come.

4/28/11