What's Next???

Many of you have been asking "What's next for your family??" So I thought I'd blog about what our plan is for those of you who haven't heard yet!

At the moment, we are pursuing a foster care license. We've had our first meeting with the case worker, have scheduled TB tests, fingerprinting, and classes for my parents. At this point, we do not know where this license will lead. We may just be a "transition" family, or it could end up in an adoption. If we get siblings, the boy will get our spare bedroom and the girl will be in mine. I am trusting God that He will give me the grace that I need to be a good "big sister" to whatever girl He chooses to entrust our family with. I already feel overwhelmed by the enormous responsibility having foster kids will be, especially if we havea little girl who looks up to me. However, despite all the unknowns and my anxiety of what kind of challenges we'll face, I am excited to see what this season will hold. Regardless, I know that we are heeding the Call, and that is what I desire for my life.

Believe

I've been reading through the Psalms for my devotional every night and have found myself greatly challenged, motivated, and reminded.

I've been challenged.... to make my life pleasing to the Lord.

"Blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked
or stand in the way of sinners or sit in the seat of mockers.
But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
and on His law he meditates day and night.
He is likea tree planted by streams of water,
which yields its fruit in season
and whose leaf does not wither.
Whatever he does prospers.
Not so the wicked!! They are like chaff that the wind blows away.
THerefore the wicked will not stand in the judgement,
nor sinners in the assembly of the righteous.
For the Lord watches over the way of the righteous,
but the way of the wicked will perish."
Psalm 1

I've been encouraged....

"Lord, who may dwell in your sanctuary? Who may live on your holy hill?
He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong and casts no slur on his fellowman,
who despises a vile man but honors those who fear the Lord,
who keeps his oath even when it hurts,
who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things will never be shaken."
Psalm 15

I've been reminded...of how absolutely amazing God is.

"O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth.
Youhave set your glory above the heavens.
From the lips of children and infants you have ordained praise .
Because of your enemies, to silence the offender and the avenger.
When I consider your heavens, the work of your fingers, the moon and the stars,
which you have set in place, what is man mindful of him, the son of man that you care for him?
You made him a little lower than the havenly beings and crowned him with glory and honor.
You made him ruler over the works of your hands; you put everything under his feet;
all flocks and herds, and the beasts of the field,
the birds of the air, and the fish of the sea, all that swim the paths of the seas.
O Lord, our Lord, how majestic is your name in all the earth."
Psalm 8

Why is it that I always underestimate the power of God?? When I read these Psalms I think to myself, "Why do I EVER have disbelief?? Why do I EVER doubt God's power?? He is amazing and more gracious than I will ever be able to understand.

The Journey

I've always loved the concept of life being a story or a journey. I'm not sure why. Perhaps it's because I love reading about adventures and stories where God captures someone's heart and takes them to places they never thought or dreamed they would live. I've always admired those people's stories and thought that it was so amazing that they would heed the call God gives them. I've prayed for years that the Lord would grab my heart in some way and that I would follow Him with it. Well, He has certainly grabbed my heart. He used 143 million children to do it and I am changed forever because of it. However, now I have a choice to make. I'm a senior in high school, 17, and at a place in my life where there are many forks in the road to my future. And I have been struck with fear. The closer we as Christians get to Christ and His call, the more the enemy is going to shower us with doubts, fears, and lies. I have experienced this so much the past few months, and found my fear to be energy-zapping and joy-sapping (if those are words haha). Thankfully, the Lord knew that we would be faced with fear throughout life, and so He lovingly put many verses in the Word to quiet our hearts of fear and doubt. Here are just a few:

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4)

For I am the Lord, your God, who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. (Isaiah 41:13)

Moses answered the people, "Do not be afraid. Stand firm and you will see the deliverance the Lord will bring you today. The Egyptians you see today you will never see again." (Exodus 14:13)

Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. (Deuteronomy 31:6)

For God gave us not a spirit of fearfulness; but of power and love and discipline. (2 Timothy 1:7) (American Standard Version)

The Lord is my light and my salvation--whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life--of whom shall I be afraid? (Psalm 27:1)

So we say with confidence, "The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can Man do to me?" (Hebrews 13:6)

Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. (John 14:27)

So after reading these, I realized just how much I'd let my fear take hold of me. It is freeing to release fear and doubt and just let the joy of the Lord live in my heart. I'm not going to pretend that I still don't have moments where I get scared of making the wrong decision. I won't tell you that I still don't ask God why situations are the way they are. I won't pretend that I still don't wonder if things will get better or if they will work out. Because in life, there are no guarentees. Many times as Christians, I think that we can fall into a belief that "God is faithful, He will make this situation work out. He will help me, this will get better." Could he make it better? Yes. Will he make it better? I don't know. We will go through trials and regardless of how hard we pray, it may be in God's sovereign will for us to endure. I think of my Claudia girl constantly, and just turn to the Lord and plead with Him to release her. I'm scared that may never happen, but I know that the Lord is the stronghold of our lives and He has her in His hands. Regardless of what hardships or trials, decisions or unknowns, the Lord has clearly stated that we are not to cower down in fear. He has more than enough grace and strength to carry us through, and if we ask for wisdom He will give it. Today, I'm going to set my eyes on Christ and turn my ears away from the lies and doubts whispered in my ears. Today, I want to continue on this journey called life and not be stopped in the middle of the road because of a street sign named fear. When I look back on the story God is weaving, I don't want to look back on the chapter named fear and see all that I missed out on. Today, I want to start pressing on towards heeding the call God has given me, even though I'm a little scared about where He might take me. Will you join me?

*Photo by Alyssa Garvin

The Word

Our world is FULL of instruction books. A manual comes with every little thing we purchase. Our bookstores are stuffed with books on every aspect of life, how to live, and how to fix problems. Don't get me wrong- there are many wonderful Christian instructional books out there. I have learned MUCH from these authors and the wisdom they have chosen to share through their writing. Sometimes, though, it's easy to get lost in these. Our hearts desire easy instructions, a plan of action for every situation. As I thought about future plans for college and began to panic about how I will ever know which way to go, I wanted to find a book about discerning God's will. When I was struggling with relationships this week, I wanted to find a book that would tell me how to handle it, how to fix hurting hearts. A couple of times this week I just wanted someone to tell me why life is so hard. But the truth of the matter is, life is full of bumps in the road. Life is full of tears and full of fears. There will be moments of panic, of doubt. But through it all, there IS a book sitting right by my bed that holds answers. I memorize passages from it, I soak up the words as I read it. Why don't I turn to it more often in times of confusion??? The very words breathed from the omnicient God are at my very fingertips yet I looks for other ways to find peace, security, and rest!!!

Tonight as I read through the beautiful Psalms, I realized I don't need to look farther than this. Does God say in these chapters: "Molly- do this. do that. You need to work on this aspect of your life." Nope, he doesn't do that. But He does give precious, invaluable words of wisdom in the pages of the Bible. I'm thankful for this reminder tonight. I'm thankful for the hope and rest that I found as I read the beautiful words. There is no need to go to bed with an anxious spirit, but I am free to sleep with a quiet heart, knowing that although parts of my life are spinning, the Rock is steadfast beneath my feet.

"For the word of God is living active, sharper than any two-edged sword."
Hebrews 4:12

Two Girls

This next poem was written shortly after my parents began pursuing this adoption/foster care journey. I still feel that somewhere out there, I have a sister. I have felt this since I was a little girl. Perhaps she will only live with us for awhile. Perhaps it is Claudia, who may never be released from Guatemala. Perhaps the Lord has some sweetheart somewhere else, who hasn't been revealed to our family yet.

2 Girls

Child, Orphan, and very best friend
Faithful and loving to the end

Sitting alone, tired and scared
Silently asking if anyone cares

Daughter, sister, and very best friend
Faithful and loving the end

Sitting culed up, praying with passion
For that girl who's alone, needy for attention.

Two different girls in this big, big world
Two different girls waiting for God's plan to unfold.

One with a burden, one who is hurting.
One with a family, one who is waiting.

Will God bring them together, only time will tell.
Will move the mountains and heal the little girl's heart as well?

They'll hold onto their dreams as they whisper their pleas.
They have hope to be united, of being a family.

Daughters, sisters, and very best friends,
2 girls faithful and loving to the end.
5/23/09

The Day I Let Go

I had a huge burst of inspiration from the Spirit the other night and I wrote a couple of poems. This one is the very first and only poem so far written about Claudia since my last trip. I have tried so many times to write about my experience leaving her, letting her go. But I hadn't been able to until 2 nights ago. So here it is..... a window to my heart. I think of her all the time and lift up prayers to the Father on her behalf.

The Day I Let Go

One of the hardest days I'll ever know
Is the day I had to let you go

I cried and cried and cried some more
I'd never known such sorrow before.

My heart was breaking, my spirit pleading
For the mercy of God to spill over and save.

My mind relives those last moments with you
I could see in your eyes that somehow you knew.

As I read in the Psalms I see promises of hope.
I cry out to God, wonder how I will cope

If you never come home, if you stay there forever.
If your giggle, your smile are tied with a tether

To the mounds of paperwork, the decision of a judge
The laws of a government that is holding a grudge.

I long to hold your hands again,
To whisper in your ear that this isn't the end.

To tell you once more how you've captured my heart
To tell you how I fell in love from the start.

Forever and always you'll be the beginning of my passion
Forever and always my beautiful inspiration.

There's a hole in my heart that's just waiting for you,
How I pray that it will be filled one day soon.

7/22/09

Kisses from Heaven..

An email from Eagle's Nest was in my inbox today. I always grit my teeth and pray before opening these emails. I'm always so afraid that they will hold the dreaded news that my sweet girl has been transferred. Today though, it was just an update on Claudia with some precious pictures.

I have never gone a day without thinking of this child, of this country, of this orphanage. Something inside of me has fallen in love with it all. Sometimes I just ache thinking about the children I held in my arms just one month ago. I was kissing sweet Claudia's cheeks just 30 days ago.

So opening this email was bittersweet. My heart rejoiced at the fact that Claudia has not been transferred. She is still at this orphanage with her friends, her mamas, and Christian values. And of course my heart melted seeing her precious face in these new pictures. The other half of me just wanted to sit and cry though. I miss Guatemala so much. I miss speaking Spanish so much. I miss the precious people so much. I miss Claudia oh so much. But I'm reminded again that this is where God has me. He has me here for such a time as this, and Lord willing, He will take me back there someday.

So as I gaze at the face of my sweet Guatemala girl and long for her little hands in mine, praying that the Lord would be gracious to her and reverse the decisions that have been made in her case. I praise God that His promises are good, trustworthy, and steadfast. With that in mind, I cling to His word and trust in His sovereign plan. "

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart."

Jeremiah 29:11-13