Monday, May 25, 2009

Rollercoaster Week

I hope you all had a great Memorial Day weekend!

So much has happened in the past 9 days that I don’t even know where to start. It has been such an emotional rollercoaster.

The day before Mother’s Day, my dad saw this little boy in the ER. He was about 11 years old, in the foster care system, and very depressed. My dad told us about him while we were at my aunt and uncle’s house Mother’s Day afternoon. My heart was breaking for this little boy as my dad told us about him and I started to cry. My mom said, “Wow. This makes me want to get a foster care license and do something to help these kids out.” I didn’t really think anything of her comment, and the conversation turned to other topics. 2 Thursdays ago, out of the blue, my mom said, “I called DCSF today to inquire about foster care licenses.” I was shocked. My parents had made comments in the past about adoption but I thought that this was another “false alarm.” Part of my heart was leaping for joy at the idea that maybe God was doing a miraculous work in my parents. The other part of me was building a wall. I have dreamed and prayed SO LONG for us to adopt, and I was so afraid of having those dreams crushed again if this “adoption talk” was just a temporary idea.

The next day, the Lord was really convicting me of my response to my mom’s comment the night before. As I prayed I realized that my lack of encouragement to her the night before came from unbelief and fear. I didn’t believe that God would create a burden in my parent’s hearts for the orphans. I didn’t believe that God would finally say yes to my prayers for our family to adopt. I was so scared of being crushed with disappointment and scared of what this journey would hold for our family. God was gracious and granted me a new attitude and I approached my mom that night with excitement and awe of what God was doing in her heart. She told me that she and my dad were interested in trying to get Claudia, my little Guatemala girl and would like to get a foster care license. WHAT?!! The people at the orphanage had told my dad and I in March that they were going to try to get her through final court and into the US to a foster family until the paperwork could get switched over. I was elated. So we sent an email off to Guatemala to let them know we would like to be her foster family if she got out of court. God had done a miracle in my parents’ hearts and it is AMAZING. I am praising Jesus still.
Everyday last week dragged on and on and on waiting for a message back. I had my mom checking her email hourly LOL. No response. No answer. I prayed some more. I prayed for patience. I prayed that God would move the mountains and do a miracle for sweet Claudia and allow her to be my sister- something I’d dreamed of ever since I met her. My mom and I spent Saturday cleaning out our basement and building some simple shelves to store boxes on in an effort to prepare for getting a home study done.

Then yesterday afternoon I checked facebook and there was a short little message that hit me like a punch in the stomach. The judge has decided to transfer Claudia to a government orphanage and she will not ever be available for adoption. This simple sentence held SO MUCH and I felt myself go numb. If I thought my heart couldn’t break again I was wrong. My heart broke for Claudia. I couldn’t even take in all that this means, and I feel like I am still reeling. It made me angry that a judge can just stamp “ORPHAN FOREVER” on a child’s life. Who gave them that authority? It is so sad. I am so disappointed and I feel helpless. There is nothing at all that I can do to keep Claudia’s life from being turned upside down in the next months. There is nothing at all that I can do to save her from the bleak future that she has. Nothing I can do to get her here with a mama and papa. We have emailed to ask when she will be transferred in hopes that I will be able to see her one last time when I go in 3 weeks.

So I have been “on the mountain” and “in the valley” the past 10 days. Right now, I feel like I’m still in the valley. I know that there are people with MUCH HARDER valleys than this. But none the less, it is still very painful. But looking back on the past years, months, weeks, days, and hours I can see that God is faithful, sovereign, and good. I told my mom yesterday that we picked the best life verse. I keep saying it over and over to myself and it is like water to my soul. “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 He has plans for Claudia and He has plans for our family. I really am so excited to see what God will do now. My parents are still very commited to going forth with something. We are not sure exactly what we’ll do- foster, adopt, international adoption??? But God will guide the path. I started praying even last night for whatever child God will bring into our family instead. He works in mysterious ways, and has really used Claudia to spark the spirit of adoption in all of our hearts. I am so thankful for a loving God who will take me in His arms and hold my hurting heart. I am so thankful that He is going to be Claudia’s Father no matter where she is taken. I am so thankful for the work He has done in my parent’s hearts. We praise you Lord for what you have done, are doing, and will do. We know that this is just a chapter in the story that You are weaving.

“ Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather them from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back!’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth- everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.” Isaiah 43:5-7

I am so proud of you Mom and Dad! God has a plan for our family that He will reveal in His perfect timing!


Elle, Audrey, and Alyssa said...

Congratulations Molly! That is amazing! You will be the best big sister ever. I am praying for sweet Claudia!!!

kangaj1 said...

Oh, Molly, I skipped over this post at first because I thought it was the same as what you sent me on Facebook. Then I saw your video. And I came back to this to make sense of what happened. I SO want to come over and give you a hug and cry with you tonight, but it's after midnight. Please know I'm crying with you here at my house and praying for you and your family and for Claudia. We can't see what God is doing fully, but we KNOW that we KNOW that He is good. Please call me if you want to talk or cry. And I'd love to chat with your mom as well--how amazing the transformation He has done in your family regarding adoption!! Praying for perseverence and much grace in your adoption journey!!

Carrie S said...

I hadn't been able to check in on you in awhile until, and then you left a comment yesterday...WOW this is so awesome!! AGCI is an absolutely wonderful, God centered agency. I would reccomend them in a heart beat. can't wait to follow your families journey! God Bless!