Child of My Heart

My heart is broken over this little girl.

She calls my dad "mi papa"- my daddy.

She thinks I'm her sister.

She thinks Caleb is her brother.

But we're not her family.

Lord, why??!

My sweet girl thinks that we are her adoptive family. My heart absolutely broke when her friend told me this. This joyful, giggly, cuddly girl has the dream in her heart of having a family. Is that too much to ask? Apparently in this world it is. I would do ANYTHING for this little girl. I would live here for a year if that would make me her sister and give her a family. I would go to the moon and back. But I just can't. This is one of the many things that we have to take in, process, and just ask God why? The only thing I can do right now is PRAY. Pray hard for these children and that the adoptions would open up again. Pray for their hearts, their broken, aching hearts who wonder why they're not good enough to be taken home like the other children.

This child of my heart has brought me more laughter, smiles, and joy this week. My heart has also broken over her time and again. My love for Guatemala grew deep through her. God uses her face to draw me back to this burden and passion.

No matter what happens in her future, she'll always be my special girl.

Day 2 in Guatemala

We had an amazingly awesome day in Guatemala.

We went to church this morning near the orphanage. It's a newer church with only about 10 people, whose pastor has been taught by the owner of the orphanage. The kiddos also go there. It was all in Spanish and I think I followed about 80% of the sermon! At the end, they had a little "open mic" time and a super sweet Guatemalan lady said, "I want to thank the Americans for coming here and serving. May God bless them for what they're doing." After the service had ended, I went up and gave her a hug and began talking to her. We were talking about my family and I told her my dad is a doctor in the States. She looked at me and said, "Ahh.. i have been sick." I brought over somebody else to help me ask more specific medical questions and at the end my dad concluded that she needed to go see somebody and get some medications for her ailment. She repeated through the whole conversation that she could not afford to see the doctor and buy the medicine she needs. When we asked how much it was she said $40. $40 people! To go see the doctor and buy medicine. She asked us if we would be interested in buying some of her handmade goods so that she could go get her medicine. We readily agreed and she invited us to come to her house and make our purchases. We followed her down the dusty road, on dirt pathways, over a plywood bridge, across a concrete slab that was laid over the sewer trench, and into her house. It had a dirt floor, a table, ants crawling everywhere, one lone lightbulb, a bed that is shared by the whole family, and a chair. And she was embarassed. She apologized for her house. My heart broke for her. In my pathetic Spanish I tried to express to her that she should not apologize. She pulled out her bag of jewelry that she makes and we purchased enough to pay for her medicine. As we finished up, she insisted she give us each a necklace. This poor woman who doesn't even have running water in our house wants to give everyone in our family a necklace that she made- items she could sell in the market. What generosity. So we took a picture with them and then headed out. What could we say to somehow make the situation better? Nothing. We had done what we could to help her and show her Christ's love. As we walked back up the hill to the orphanage I just wanted to sit and cry out to God. I do not understand this world. I do not understand why some have been given SO much and some so little. It makes me so sad. This was our first God-appointment and I'm trusting Him for many others!

After this we headed down to Panajachel (the nearest town) for lunch and some grocery shopping (yaay we finally have food!).

We came back up and Caleb and I got to teach Claudia and Ornoria (the other older girl) to ride their bikes. IT WAS SO MUCH FUN! I feel so privileged that I get to be so apart of their lives here for a week. Then, one of the mammas came up and asked me to teach her how to ride! Oh the joy of seeing her face light up when she finally got it! I felt that surge of joy and pride when my "student" finally got it as I ran up and gave her a hug.

This evening, we sat and just played with the kids. They had a movie on and would take turns sitting in our laps. I'd rub their backs, play with their hair, tickle them, and just give them love. Another incredibly fun thing has been seeing Caleb fall in love with the kids. For years, I prayed that God would place the same love and burden in my family's hearts as he had done for me. Thank you Lord for answering this prayer!!

Thank you so much for your prayers. My heart leaps to see your kind emails, comments, facebook notes, etc.

Sending my love from Guatemala,

Molly

We Are Here. It is Amazing. God is Amazing.

We are in Guatemala after months of planning, praying, and waiting. I have cried and laughed alot all in the same day. And we've only been here for 10 hours!!

I CANNOT WAIT to show you all the amazing videos and pictures we have taken.

My heart is captured by these children. And it has been broken all over again.

We made it to Guatemala City on time, with all our baggage, no delays, AND our shuttle was ready 4 hours early, so we got to spend the late morning and early afternoon with the kids. When they settled down for naps we headed down to the town for lunch with people here at the orphanage. After that, we were all feeling incredibly exhausted. I was more emotionally exhausted than I was physically. So I pulled a chair out onto the deck, put on some worship music, cried, and journaled. It was a very sweet time of renewal, and I ended my time with the Lord feeling encouraged and sure that God did want me down here for a reason other than to make me feel raw and broken over the plight of the orphans and fall in love all over again with Claudia. He has a specific plan and purpose for this trip that only HE knows and He will reveal it in HIS time. In the meanwhile, He has been so faithful in providing, loving me, and showing me His incredible love.

Tonight was a special night at the orphanage and I'm so thankful we got to take part in it. They threw a birthday party for a couple of the kids and we all celebrated with cake and ice cream. While the whole celebration is very bittersweet, it was a great evening. The highlight was seeing the "big girls" (Claudia and Ornoria) get bicycles. AMAZING! I have video of Claudia getting hers and it is precious.

I wish I could share all of the stories and bring each of you here to see the magnificent beauty, the precious children, and the works of our God!! I'm having some issues with uploading photos on here so you might have to wait till I get home for the big slideshow!

And We're Off!

We're leaving in 2 HOURS!! AHH! I can't believe it!! :) Our plane actually takes off at 2 AM so we still have a long day ahead of us.

I had envisioned this amazing, well-worded blog entry about the day we are leaving, etc. BUT.... I feel like I cannot even write an intelligent sentence right now lol my mind is in so many different places and my heart is already halfway in Guatemala!!! So I'll make it simple!!

We would SO appreciate your prayers!! Here's some specific requests:

1. Safe travel

2. That our luggage would make it there

3. For good recall on my Spanish as I navigate our troop through the airport, to the shuttle, and as we find a taxi to get to the orphanage.

4. That God would be glorified through our words, thoughts, and actions. That He would give us lots of patience and love for each other even in stressful moments!!

5. I ask that through the whole week God would do a mighty work between my brother and I. We love each other alot but there has been quite a bit of tension and conflict in the past year. I am praying for a MIRACLE to take place this week and would love for you to pray along with me!

Thank you dear prayer warriors! We love you all and can't wait to tell you all of God's works in the coming week. I am so excited!! If there's Wifi in the Guatemala airport I'll blog, if not then I'll definitely get on tomorrow night as long as their Internet is working.

Adios!

Molly

This Journey

Tommorow marks a new chapter
In a journey that is not my own

I'm praying for new beginnings

For a refreshing in our souls

This journey that God our Father
Has set on our paths to take

It's exciting but yet I fully know
This journey will make my heart break

For along the sides of the pathway
Are children of every size

I can feel their arms tight around me,
I'm still haunted by their cries

What lessons are You going to teach me?
What idols will You strip away?

I commit it all into your hands,
For this journey I surrender and wait.

Molly

3/5/09

Thankful Thursday

It has been the most AMAZINGLY GORGEOUS day out. 65 degrees. Sunny. A bit windy. So i started my day with a 45-minute walk with the dog, worship music on my iPod, and the Lord. It was awesome. There wasn't a cloud in the sky, just that beautiful blue. The wind reminded me of God's power, yet gentle whispers, as the wind blew across my face. All around me were echoes of God's beauty that I take for granted far too often. I'm thankful for the opportunity I had to bask in the glory of the Lord this morning.

I woke up with a sore throat on Monday and groaned. How could I be getting sick 5 days before Guatemala??!!! I started taking a bunch of cold medicines and getting more sleep than usual. It is now Thursday, the day before we leave, and I have just a small cough and a drippy nose. My sore throat is completely gone- and I've had basically full energy this week, allowing me to pack. I'm praising God for this and trusting that He will restore me completely in the next few days! He is the Great Physician.

Throughout the week I've gotten several emails, facebook messages, and conversations in which so many people have said they have been/are praying for our trip this week. I'm SO THANKFUL for you sweet prayer warriors!! THANK YOU THANK YOU! God gave me a great and precious gift when He gave me all of you!

Prayer

Prayer has been a common theme recently in my life. God is definitely emphasizing it in His lessons with me! Our pastor has been doing a fantastic sermon series on Daniel. This week he talked about Daniel 9. It was really good and I was just really convicted of my prayer life (or lack of one)!

So... I thought I'd highlight some of his points for my benefit as well as anyone else who would be interested.

1. God Ordains Prayer
The greatest of Christians, the ones whose lives bore great fruit also spent much time in prayer. George Mueller (a huge advocate for the orphans) said, "I know my God, and my God knows me." Through prayer, He grew to know God on a deep level, and the Lord blessed that! God ordains prayer, it is a gift to us, that we can come to Him and just talk.

Pastor Bob also made a really good statement that I liked, "A beautiful, honorable man or woman is not formed in 1/2 hour. It takes a lifetime of prayer and seeking God."

2. God Motivates Prayer
The motive for our prayer is for God to be glorified. If we make God the object in our prayer, then our motive is for Him to be glorified. I am continually asking myself if I am seeking God in prayer or just seeking my own desires. There is definitely a difference and I fall into the pothole of selfishly praying far too often.

3. God Answers Prayer
God answers EVERY prayer. Does He answer them the way we want to? Absolutely not. Does He answer them that He might be glorified? YES. And the most beautiful thing is that we have done NOTHING for our God to answer prayers. We have done nothing that our God would turn His ear to our pleas. But He does. Because of His great mercy. This mercy that He gives freely, that's new every morning!
"We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy."
David 9:18.

In the past month God has been teaching me to pray with faith and expectancy. It is hard sometimes, but the least we can do is pray believing that God can and will answer in a way that will bring Him glory. As I've prayed for our friends the Semlows' adoption I've prayed for MIRACLES. As I've prayed for my trip to Guatemala I have been trying hard to pray for BIG things- things that only GOD in His mighty power to do. And trust that our God can and will answer in BIG ways. As soon as I started praying in that way the enemy whispered doubts and lies in my ear and I've had to learn to fight this- with more prayer!! God has shown Himself to us time and again so why do I have such unbelief and doubt?!

So as I continue on in my day I trust that my feeble prayers coming from my unrighteous heart are reaching the ears of the Almighty. And that He has heard and will answer in His time in His own way- to be glorified.