Tuesday, December 21, 2010
While home from college, I've done some rearranging and organizing in my bedroom. Tonight I was going through my keepsake boxes and I found these words written on it. That label on the box took me back nearly 5 years ago when I was in 6-7th grade. I was praying from the depths of my young heart for a little sister. We would name her Emma, my mom's next favorite girl name. She would be adopted from Guatemala, China, Ethiopia, I really didn't care. But with childlike faith I called out to God for this little girl who was out there somewhere waiting for her big sister to fly on a plane and come get her. The only problem is, the Lord's plan and mine didn't quite match up.
And so, 5 years later, this box sits in the top shelf on my closet, still etched with the name "Emma's clothes." Some of the clothes have been taken out, but there are still some there. The handmade blankets I made for dolls (or my baby sister) are still neatly folded in that box. Any other time, I would have pulled down that box, peered inside, and felt heartbroken. But tonight was different. I realize now, after all these years of waiting, that the Lord did answer my prayers. He said no. He saw my aching heart, longing to pour out my love on a little child. 5 years later, I can open that box with complete joy and peace, knowing that "Emma" was just another piece that God used to draw me closer to Himself and to the orphan. He used the disappointment of never having a sister to make me fall in love with Him, for He sustained me and filled the empty hole in my heart until one day, Lord willing, I will fill that hole with the love of my own daughter who will come from one of those countries. And maybe I will name her Emma.