Monday, October 13, 2008

Guess What????

I'M BACK!! :)
Finally, after almost an entire week, I'm ready to blog again. I've had 5 of the hardest, most stretching, challenging days that I can ever remember. So I come back here to write not about my victories, for I have none except that which God gives me. Any strength I have is through Him. Any love I have is through Him. Any hope I have is through Him. Hallelujah. But I write because I want to give Him the glory (oh, and because I missed blogging!).
Last Wednesday, my parents and I sat down for a talk who's outcome I was NOT expecting!! Due to complications with scholarship deadlines, potential graduation dates, and so on, we made the very tough decision for me to graduate next year instead of this year. Yeah, so I'm now a junior in high school! Thus began the next loop in this rollercoaster I'm on. For now, I think that I'm riding on flat ground.. but I thought that last time as well.
The Lord began a great work in me that morning and it's still going. I don't ever remember being so convicted, encouraged, and disappointed all at the same time. I go from thinking, "Yes, Lord, this is your plan for me. You've showed me so many good things that will come from this. Thank you!" and then an hour later I'll be in tears pleading with Him to please show me why this had to happen.
I'd sat down about 15 times to try and blog about this experience but my emotions were so raw I just couldn't bring myself to write anything. I truly had to "grieve" the loss of my dream of graduating early. It seems so dumb but that's what i was working for. Each day when I got up to do school I was working towards college. Of course, I still am, just not like before.
But, if only for my benefit, I do want to share a few ways that God's glory has been shown through the past 5 days:
1. God has been preparing me for this season all along. He had me do a devotional this summer about joy. And oh boy am I leaning on that right now!! This week has tested my ability to find joy to the fullest!! I was reminded of how my joy must be found not in my circumstances, but with Christ!
2. God has shown me, specifically yesterday and today, where i had built my idols. When He rocked my world (that's what it felt like) and we completely changed plans for next year, those idols were stripped away. When those idols were stripped away, I started turning to other things in my life, only to find myself panicking because none of those were secure. I've had to just read the Scriptures and know that God still loves me despite all of these things He's convicted me of and the shaky, fearful, insecure, saddened person I was after Wednesday. I've had to believe that His plan is PERFECT.
3. God has used music this week in a mighty, incredible way. On Wednesday I made a CD with all of my favorite encouraging songs that I have listened to in the car ever since. Now, when I have a "moment" when I feel the discouragement, frustration, or disappointment seep in He brings one of those songs to mind!!
There's so much more I could say but I'm too tired. I can't believe how freeing it has been to write in somewhere other than my journal (although that has been incredibly healing as well). So thanks for reading. I'm glad to be back in the blogosphere!!
I'm sure I'll be writing more soon about life in general and the fresh perspective I have on how I want to live life in light of this huge change! The Lord definitely redeems every situation. It's been such a tough week but I keep seeing sunshine poke through the storm clouds!!
"For I know the plans i have for you,' says the lord, 'plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11

4 comments:

Kristen said...

Hey Molly,

First of all, I'm very proud of you for not just giving up and being frustrated with God. I know that when you're totally set on something and you make it your own plans, it would be easy to get upset at God for changing them. We must remember that no matter how hard we try, God's plans are God's plans. Quite frankly, I'm thrilled that this other option would be less stressful for you.

Keep sticking close to Him!

Kristen

Sharon said...

You will make it through, it will fly by believe me! Just be thankful that you don't have to go to public school, I hated it and found it very hard to be joyful while I was there, but I got through it and it is done. Now I wish I was more of a witness to the people there, but now I am in College and I need to make opportunities to share my faith there. What are you going to college for? Do you have a college in mind?

Philip said...

I am so incredibly proud of you Molly. That was a very hard dream to let go of; but without denying the pain, you are open to (your) plan B (although God never has a plan B for his beloved, only a plan A which is for Christs greater glory and our greater sanctification, even if it is often kept hidden from us, sometimes even until we see Him face to face in the new Heaven and the new earth)...and now if I could just start acting on what I say I believe!!

your papa

Annie said...

Letting go of dreams is so difficult. Believe me, I've been there! But "His mercies are new every morning" and "Great is His faithfulness". And there is truth in Maria's line in Sound of Music: "when the Lord closes a door, somewhere He opens a window." Sometimes it's even another door,not just a window--another opportunity equal or superior to the one we let go of. I've seen that happen in my own life when I've given up a dream that I thought couldn't be matched, but God provided another opportunity infinitely grander and more wise! His plans are ALWAYS best and we have to keep trusting Him with the pen of our story. Thanks for encouraging me as well by sharing the things you've found helpful in this period. It was a great reminder to me!
God bless all your plans and future dreams, and may He provide you with experiences in the future beyond your greatest expectations now. He is God!