I'M BACK!! :)
Finally, after almost an entire week, I'm ready to blog again. I've had 5 of the hardest, most stretching, challenging days that I can ever remember. So I come back here to write not about my victories, for I have none except that which God gives me. Any strength I have is through Him. Any love I have is through Him. Any hope I have is through Him. Hallelujah. But I write because I want to give Him the glory (oh, and because I missed blogging!).
Last Wednesday, my parents and I sat down for a talk who's outcome I was NOT expecting!! Due to complications with scholarship deadlines, potential graduation dates, and so on, we made the very tough decision for me to graduate next year instead of this year. Yeah, so I'm now a junior in high school! Thus began the next loop in this rollercoaster I'm on. For now, I think that I'm riding on flat ground.. but I thought that last time as well.
The Lord began a great work in me that morning and it's still going. I don't ever remember being so convicted, encouraged, and disappointed all at the same time. I go from thinking, "Yes, Lord, this is your plan for me. You've showed me so many good things that will come from this. Thank you!" and then an hour later I'll be in tears pleading with Him to please show me why this had to happen.
I'd sat down about 15 times to try and blog about this experience but my emotions were so raw I just couldn't bring myself to write anything. I truly had to "grieve" the loss of my dream of graduating early. It seems so dumb but that's what i was working for. Each day when I got up to do school I was working towards college. Of course, I still am, just not like before.
But, if only for my benefit, I do want to share a few ways that God's glory has been shown through the past 5 days:
1. God has been preparing me for this season all along. He had me do a devotional this summer about joy. And oh boy am I leaning on that right now!! This week has tested my ability to find joy to the fullest!! I was reminded of how my joy must be found not in my circumstances, but with Christ!
2. God has shown me, specifically yesterday and today, where i had built my idols. When He rocked my world (that's what it felt like) and we completely changed plans for next year, those idols were stripped away. When those idols were stripped away, I started turning to other things in my life, only to find myself panicking because none of those were secure. I've had to just read the Scriptures and know that God still loves me despite all of these things He's convicted me of and the shaky, fearful, insecure, saddened person I was after Wednesday. I've had to believe that His plan is PERFECT.
3. God has used music this week in a mighty, incredible way. On Wednesday I made a CD with all of my favorite encouraging songs that I have listened to in the car ever since. Now, when I have a "moment" when I feel the discouragement, frustration, or disappointment seep in He brings one of those songs to mind!!
There's so much more I could say but I'm too tired. I can't believe how freeing it has been to write in somewhere other than my journal (although that has been incredibly healing as well). So thanks for reading. I'm glad to be back in the blogosphere!!
I'm sure I'll be writing more soon about life in general and the fresh perspective I have on how I want to live life in light of this huge change! The Lord definitely redeems every situation. It's been such a tough week but I keep seeing sunshine poke through the storm clouds!!
"For I know the plans i have for you,' says the lord, 'plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future."