Monday, April 18, 2011

Trust Me.

God and I had a conversation that lasted all day long. It went something like this:

"Lord, I am scared."
-Remember when I provided for your family when you sold your house?
"Lord, I am tired."
-Remember when I brought you to Guatemala?
"Lord, I am weak."
-Remember how I've provided this diet in the first place?
"Lord, I don't like giving up control."
-Remember the miracles that brought you to this school?
"Lord, I don't understand."
-Remember how I gave you a community of people who love you and who love the Lord?
-"Lord, it's so hard to trust."
-Don't you realize my faithfulness?
-"Yes, Lord, I so want to trust. I so want joy."
-Then trust me, my daughter. I will give you peace, hope, joy, regardless of the circumstances.

It's been really hard to trust this week, and my heart has been gripped with worry, fear, or discouragement multiple times.

But God has been SO PATIENT. All day long, He brought to mind examples of His faithfulness, reasons for me to trust Him. I sat down tonight and journaled, did some scrapbooking with Scripture (pictures to come!), :) and listened to worship music. His faithfulness just completely overwhelmed me. Am I still frustrated with struggling with health issues and a new diet? Yep. Am I still completely scared about going to Spain and finding food that I can eat? Yes. But is there peace? Yes. And my heart has joy after a day of seeking for it on my own strength.

It's a journey to joy. But it's a road I get to walk with my hand strong in the grip of the Father. And every time that I lack trust, joy, or peace His grace and faithfulness will never waver.

Trust me.

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