Stubborn

Well, I'm laying in bed with a sprained ankle. I fell on the stairs last night and thought I was fine...but when I woke up to a throbbing ankle around 6 AM this morning I decided otherwise.

All week long the Lord has so obviously been trying to teach me that I'm not in control. Each day has been frustratingly overwhelming and seemingly out-of-control. Hmm...I guess that's because it IS out of my control. But yet, every day I've tried to take it into my own hands. I've set a schedule for myself, goals for each day, a plan that should go according to the way I foresee it.

But instead, the 3 hours I allotted for my trigonometry test turned into 12 hours of test taking over the past 2 days. The work I had planned on doing during that time didn't really get done. The classes I had planned to register in for fall were closed. All of these little things that I had worked so carefully to plan out. I laugh about it now, looking back and seeing how frustrated I got.

Monday's Jesus Calling was just what I needed, but I obviously didn't take it to heart or otherwise I may have handled the bumps in the road a little bit better. Sarah Young reminded me of God's control, of His power, of the peace that I can have with every unexpected moment: "This is the day that I have made. Rejoice and be glad in it. Begin the day with open hands of faith, ready to receive all that I am pouring into this brief portion of your life. Be careful not to complain about anything, even the weather, since I am the author of your circumstances. The best way to handle unwanted situations is to thank Me for them. This act of faith frees you from resentment and frees Me to work My ways into the situations, so that good emerges from it. To find Joy in this day, you must live within the boundaries. I know what I was doing when I divided time into twenty-four hour segments. I understand human frailty, and I know that you can bear the weight of only one day at a time. Do not worry about tomorrow or get stuck in the past. There is abundant Life in my Presence today."

I was too stubborn to change my perspective, to stuck in the stress of the moment, the endless list of tasks at hand. But, as I laid awake at 5:55 in the morning, unable to get the 8 hours of sleep I had planned, unable to go on the jog I had planned, unable to help set up for the worship service tonight, I finally let my wall down. "This is the day the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it." Psalm 118:24 Nope, this week didn't go as I had planned, yesterday did not go as I had planned, and this day will not go as I had planned. But you know what? That's ok.

I can let my earthly plans go. I can let my expectations and standards fall to the ground. Because I have a God who is bigger than the 24-hour day. I have a God who knows the hurts of the past, every detail of my present, and each moment of my future. His faithfulness and provision will continue each and every day. All I need to do is offer my life with arms wide open, ready to live each second on the grace and strength of Jesus Christ. "I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing." John 15:5

So I go into my day, ready for whatever the Lord has for me. And who knows, it could be fun to learn how to walk on crutches.

Things to ponder:

1. Am I living each day with open hands, giving Him my to-do lists, my expectations?

2. What parts of my life am I unwilling to release control of?

3. Am I praying that His purposes might be my main desire and goal of each day? Abandoning my own desires for the Kingdom?

Jesus, i give you this day, this hour, this second. I pray that my eyes would be open wide, unwilling to miss any opportunity you may have for me to be your hands and feet. Would you break my heart of stubbornness and selfishness that my heart would be fixed on You and Your kingdom. Thank you for your grace that covers all the moments in which I have failed at this. Thank you for second chances and new attitudes. I love you. Amen.