Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Transition

It has been 4 whole days since we returned from Guatemala- and they have been loooonnnnnggggg days! I had forgotten what a hard adjustment it is coming back from there. I did not remember it being so painful. And maybe it wasn't the last time. This trip was definitely the most powerful out of all of 3 times I've been to Guatemala. The Lord moved mightily in my heart, and I saw in a much greater way what God sees when He looks at these people. He truly gave me His eyes to look through. My love for Guatemala grew even bigger and deeper, and another piece of my heart was left there. The past few days have been alot of soul-searching and aching. I had trouble being joyful, because i was just so darn sad! A sweet girl at church who I look up to alot was talking with me on Sunday and said, "When you come back, it's like a mourning process." I hadn't thought of it like that before, but it really is. You grieve for the children, for the country, for the emptiness in your heart.

I met with a sweet friend Alyssa, who has been to several orphanages and has an amazing heart for the orphans. Talking with her brought alot of closure for me today. I can still cry for this country, these children, and the deep ache in my heart to return but I have a new peace in being here. I'd been struggling with WHY am I HERE? Why am I not THERE where kids need love? Where these precious Guatemalan people are hurting and need to hear the precious message of our Lord (Americans do too, I just have such a heart for these people). I miss everything about that country so badly. I miss the people, I miss the challenge of speaking in Spanish, I miss my girl, I long to kiss the faces of the children one more time, and tell them they are loved. But God has brought me back here. Hopefully only for a season, but nonetheless, I am here. So, I walked in the door feeling refreshed. I'm still overwhelmed with life, still trying to understand all that God showed me last week, but ready to tackle the tasks set before me. If I grieve forever, I can't succeed in the jobs I have here, and I won't ever be able to go back. Here's a poem I wrote this morning, perhaps it will sum up what I feel right now? I'm sitting in my house but homesick for the beautiful country that has stolen my heart.


Homesick

Another piece of my heart was left there that day
As I took my last glimpse and then turned away.

I just ache for that place, how I long to return there
I miss everything about it, as I whisper my prayers.

It's been hard coming back, after a week that was so full .
I just can't describe it, it's been terribly painful.

But I've drawn close to the Lord, in the midst of my sorrow,
He has given me joy, and hope for tommorow.

Though I may feel quite homesick for that country of my heart,
I know that my Savior has had a plan from the start.

He has placed me in this town, this family, this moment.
And He's asking me to follow, and be His servant.

While I long to jump on a plane- go serve more of the orphans
He has asked me to stay, to follow only His plan.

3 comments:

Lucia said...

Hi Molly:

What a beautiful poem and expression of your thoughts and feelings. Thanks for openly sharing your heart.

I know that God is molding you through this experience, shaping you for wonderful things to come. How exciting to imagine what could be in store for your future!

Stay true to your heart and keep holding on to the Lord. Things will happen in HIS time. Right now he is teaching and you are still learning.

Enjoy this time you have with family and friends as there may be a time when you will not have them close.

Thinking of you as you transition back into the garden where you are planted. Keep on blooming!

Love you, Aunt Lucia

Sharon said...

I think you did a great job expressing your feelings, I can tell that it would be so sad to leave the children you love. I can somewhat relate to the way you are feeling, after going on a week long trip with the youth group at my old church and meeting some really awesome people and I become so close to in that time, and then it comes time to leave, and you are just so sad, and you just want to go back and be with them again. But that was probably no were near as hard as you leaving the children who need your love, because they don't even have the love of a family. And you may be feeling that you would be doing more good to be loving on them instead of where you are now. But as you are away your love and passion will grow even stronger for them and for the Lord, then you will be even more ready to go back again!

Melinda said...

Molly!! I loved hearing about your trip to Guatemala and how God spoke to your heart while there. I know it is terribly painful to leave that beautiful country. It certainly seems God has given you a tender heart towards the people of Guatemala. Do you think God may be using this time to prepare you to become a missionary? Since adoptions have stopped, there are SO many little ones in need of a home and orphanages are privately run. There is a desperate need for more orphanages. From an outsider looking in, I can see you working in an orphanage, being a "mom" to the little ones...just something to think about!

Love your sweet tender heart!

Melinda