Transition

It has been 4 whole days since we returned from Guatemala- and they have been loooonnnnnggggg days! I had forgotten what a hard adjustment it is coming back from there. I did not remember it being so painful. And maybe it wasn't the last time. This trip was definitely the most powerful out of all of 3 times I've been to Guatemala. The Lord moved mightily in my heart, and I saw in a much greater way what God sees when He looks at these people. He truly gave me His eyes to look through. My love for Guatemala grew even bigger and deeper, and another piece of my heart was left there. The past few days have been alot of soul-searching and aching. I had trouble being joyful, because i was just so darn sad! A sweet girl at church who I look up to alot was talking with me on Sunday and said, "When you come back, it's like a mourning process." I hadn't thought of it like that before, but it really is. You grieve for the children, for the country, for the emptiness in your heart.

I met with a sweet friend Alyssa, who has been to several orphanages and has an amazing heart for the orphans. Talking with her brought alot of closure for me today. I can still cry for this country, these children, and the deep ache in my heart to return but I have a new peace in being here. I'd been struggling with WHY am I HERE? Why am I not THERE where kids need love? Where these precious Guatemalan people are hurting and need to hear the precious message of our Lord (Americans do too, I just have such a heart for these people). I miss everything about that country so badly. I miss the people, I miss the challenge of speaking in Spanish, I miss my girl, I long to kiss the faces of the children one more time, and tell them they are loved. But God has brought me back here. Hopefully only for a season, but nonetheless, I am here. So, I walked in the door feeling refreshed. I'm still overwhelmed with life, still trying to understand all that God showed me last week, but ready to tackle the tasks set before me. If I grieve forever, I can't succeed in the jobs I have here, and I won't ever be able to go back. Here's a poem I wrote this morning, perhaps it will sum up what I feel right now? I'm sitting in my house but homesick for the beautiful country that has stolen my heart.

Homesick

Another piece of my heart was left there that day
As I took my last glimpse and then turned away.

I just ache for that place, how I long to return there
I miss everything about it, as I whisper my prayers.

It's been hard coming back, after a week that was so full .
I just can't describe it, it's been terribly painful.

But I've drawn close to the Lord, in the midst of my sorrow,
He has given me joy, and hope for tommorow.

Though I may feel quite homesick for that country of my heart,
I know that my Savior has had a plan from the start.

He has placed me in this town, this family, this moment.
And He's asking me to follow, and be His servant.

While I long to jump on a plane- go serve more of the orphans
He has asked me to stay, to follow only His plan.