Instead of Thankful Thursday it's going to be Thoughtful Thursday!!
For starters, today was the first day of real school for me! Yaay! To re-cap, it's an accredited, Christian, online school. It's so different than last year's program!! I LOVE it! It's very structured (which I love), very flexible, and I love what I'm learning. It feels so good to be back into a routine and to be learning again. I really want to try my very best this year and put forth 100% effort. I really do feel like this program is a gift from God. However, the ChemLab is probably the most ridiculous program ever. It's too confusing for my little brain!! And if anybody ever wants a good laugh just come over and I'll show you some of my videos. I was sitting by myself laughing while watching them. Oh.... I love this school. It's going to be GREAT! :)
God has kept me on my toes this past month and I finally realized today why He's been teaching me the things He has. It was just a crazy month with the unsureness about school, graduating, college, etc. This whole time He has not only been teaching me to trust but showing me that my life is not my own. I've had my life planned out for forever. I knew exactly what kind of college I wanted, what kind of room mate, what I wanted to do for a living, when I wanted to get married, etc. And I really do think that in my heart I have held onto and desired "my plan" more than God's will. Sure I pray, "If this is in your will, please..." but deep down I'm holding onto my "life plan" with both hands. I just couldn't let it go. Couldn't give it over to God and surrender these dreams.
So He's had to shake things up in my life to get my attention. He longs for me to let go and rest. The reason He doesn't show us our future is so that we have to trust in Him all the more!! But it's painful. By surrendering I'm saying that I can be content in the life that He has for me. I want that life! More than I can say. But I just realized today that there's that part of me that just can't let go. I'm not really sure that any human can completely just sit and let God take the wheel but He's shown me that in my heart i need to clear some of that out. The future I long for is taking my focus off of Him and the beautiful story He's writing. It seems to be an ongoing process. As Christians, we're constantly havingI'm not sure anything I wrote made sense... :) But that's what I've been working through. Giving all of me to Him! So today whenever something didn't go the way I thought they should, or something started to look like our plans might not work I just stopped, took a breath, and prayed, acknowleding that our God is all-powerful and that if this is His will then I will take it and trust Him. Life is a journey. It's not all sunshine and flowers. There's tough stuff. But why live my life focused on anything but Him? Life's hard enough as it is (and really, my issues are minute compared to some!!)!! He's here to hold me, lavishing me with grace and love like no other!! How blessed am I to be a daughter of Him. Praise God.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
Jeremiah 29:11 (i know I talk about this verse alot. Sorry. I'm just kinda' obsessed with it right now!! lol!!)