Pure Joy

I will exalt you, O Lord,

for you lifted me out of the depths

and did not let my enemies gloat over me.

O Lord my God, I called to you for help

and you healed me.

O Lord, you brought me up from the grave;

you spared me from going down into the pit.

Sing to the Lord, you saints of his;

praise his holy name.

For his anger lasts only a moment,

but his favor lasts a lifetime;

weeping may remain for a night,

but rejoicing comes in the morning.

When I felt secure, I said,

"I will never be shaken."

O Lord, when you favored me,

you made my mountain stand firm;

but when you hid your face,

I was dismayed.

To you, O Lord, I called;

to the Lord I cried for mercy;

What gain is there in my destruction,

in my going down into the pit?

Will the dust praise you?

Will it proclaim your faithfulness?

Hear, O Lord, and be merciful to me;

O Lord, be my help."

You turned my wailing into dancing;

you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

that my heart may sing to you and not be silent.

O Lord my God, I will give you thanks forever.

Psalm 30

Exactly one year ago this week, I was in Arizona with my family visiting the Grand Canyon. I had just gotten back from Guatemala and I was DYING for my parents to adopt. I pleaded with God to please give me a little sister. I would do anything for a little sister to love and take care of. I was lonely and hurting. I remember sitting at the computer researching Guatemalan adoptions. Would my parents qualify? Could we afford it (our house was still on the market so of course not!!). How could I make this work? (I thought that it was me that would make it happen) How could God NOT lead my parents to adopt? Why should a child have to be without parents when God could lead them to our home? So I waited... and waited.... and waited for some kind of miraculous revelation to hit my parents and convince them they had to adopt a little girl from Guatemala. But it was not to be. Our family is complete with the 5 of us. Had my parents done things differently when they were younger maybe we would have a little sister. But what's done is done. It's too late to rewind and adopt. My hurting heart could not accept that one year ago. The past year has been incredible, though. The Lord has stretched me and tenderly taught me so many things. He's shown me my new identity in Him- He values me as more precious than gold or silver, He thinks I'm beautiful, He loves me no matter what. He's shown me contentment- with God I need nothing else. He's shown me hope- my future is filled with hope in Jesus Christ. Last but not least, He's shown me what true joy is.

Tonight, I walked into Shorty Small's with the Semlows to be greeted by the Gibsons, who held their precious baby girl from Ethiopia in their arms. As they passed tiny Zoie around I was in awe of how faithful our God is. When she was placed in my arms I felt nothing but JOY!! I was so happy for them, for her, and for the 4 other families with us who are waiting for their children to come home. Last year I would've had trouble handling this dinner party. I would've smiled but inside my heart would've been breaking with grief over my parent's "resistence" to adopt. But not tonight. Tonight I smiled on the inside and out. I was so happy to be able to be there with those 5 families and to hold Zoie in my arms. It was so neat to hear the moms encouraging eachother in their journeys. It was fun to dream about next year, when the group will have 7 new little ones. It was funny to think that in 15 years I could potentially be sitting amongst a group of fellow adoptive parents, waiting for my child to come home (i know, dreaming!) :) lol

He lifted me out of the depths, brought me up from the grave, and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing to Him and NOT BE SILENT!! I will give thanks to Him forever for the marvelous work He has done in my life. He didn't leave me in a heap where He found me but picked me up and loved me as a Father. He didn't leave my heart hurting but He held me in His arms and healed the broken spots. He's given me hope and joy. Praise be to our God.